Simply Numb

I'm not sure what to say or how to begin this post.  I usually just start typing and the words flow.  Not so much this time.  I went back to the shot doctor tonight, Dr. C.  And that's where my brain just sort of stops.  To give me an idea of where I could start, I re-read my blog from the last appointment...below is an excerpt from it...

"Dr. C told me if these shots do not help me, he is stumped again.  Translation...he won't know what to do with me again and this journey basically has halted again.  I'm nervous.  I'm scared that it won't work.  I'm scared of having to start over.  I'm scared of just giving up again.  I'm scared of this pain that has been here for 11 years tomorrow (Nov 9).  I'm scared of hoping to be disappointed again. "

Back to today...the pain levels have not lowered since my last round of shots.  He felt that this would do the trick and it has not.  I'm still in pain. EVERY day. The shots have NOT worked.  He is stumped with me and the journey has halted. He says that there isn't anything else that he knows to do. He told me he was sorry, and I just sat there nodding. He even asked me if I was understanding what he was saying because I was calm and not crying.  I understand. But I'm numb. I'm simply numb.  He did tell me that when I go back to Dr. K at the end of January we can see if he finds something additional to look at, but that looks fairly unlikely at this point.   All of this hope, all of this last 8 months are swirling around me and I feel numb. How can this be?  THIS was supposed to be the answer.  My jaw is fixed, my foot and lower back are fixed.  Why can't my neck be fixed? 11 years...So, I sit here tonight wondering what is next? Is this journey over?  Do I just accept this life of pain?  If so, HOW do I accept it? Where do I go from here...physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually...???  And when the numbness wears off...how will I react to this?  And then I read another portion of my last post when I had just gotten the last set of shots...

"And even though I'm scared of all of those things, I KNOW without a doubt that God will sustain me.  He has for 11 years, so why on earth would He leave me now???  He won't.  He holds me, sustains me and gives me daily strength...so I'm trying not to focus on the scary stuff...but just to breathe in and out and trust that God's plan is bigger than any that I have for myself."

So, I don't know what's next.  I don't even know how I will feel in the morning.  I sit here tonight with my gluten free, sugar free, dairy free "Frosty" and put Hershey's syrup on it to cheat a little and comfort myself...wondering when my world will stop spinning and when I will lose this numbness...I do know that God will sustain me and give me daily strength. He has proven Himself over and over and so I know He won't leave me now. But right now, a single tear rolls down my cheek, and I wait on Him to help me breathe in and out and show me His plan in this...a plan to use all of this for His glory...

Long Overdue #2

Part #2 is not nearly as "fun" to report for me.  After the news of the previous week of weaning off of the day appliance and how improved things were for me structurally...I was off to Dr. C, "the shot doc".  We have such a love/hate relationship...I love his care for me as a patient...I hate his actual treatments :)  So, after a delay because of strep throat, I headed off to Dr. C.  This time I had my mom and Kiara take me there, as it was pretty rough the last time.  I knew I was getting shots in my foot, per Dr. K, but I wasn't sure about the shots for my back/butt area.  After evaluating/talking to me, he started in with the shots on my foot.  He felt that this relapse injury wasn't a big deal and probably had more to do with me standing and teaching versus being on summer break.  He said one round of shots should take care of it.  He then moved on to test my lower back/butt area. Unfortunately it was still very flared up and he decided to be extremely aggressive (his words) in attacking these spots.  For those who don't remember...these shots are called "prolotherapy" and the simplest explanation is that it shoots inflammation into specific areas, with the idea that the white blood cells will attack and heal in those areas.  So, basically I am purposely inflaming already injured areas.  Now, I've gotten quite a few shots from this doctor in a variety of places on my body (foot, neck, upper back, head and now lower back and butt).  I've cringed, held my breath, and gripped the arm rests before, but this was a new experience. I did all of those things, along with a slight wimper, spasms and actual tears.  He talked to me the whole time and kept asking if I was doing okay and if he needed to stop. I was slightly embarrassed that I actually cried during this until he told me that he was extremely aggressive and he knew that I was probably going to do that.  He was VERY glad that I had my mom drive me and it only took about 10 minutes after leaving the office before I was BEYOND glad that she had driven me.   By the time we got home, I couldn't stand up straight and it hurt to move my body at all. I was in tears and a mess emotionally.  I grabbed a bite to eat and went to prop myself up in bed to do my Bible study homework and devotions.  To put it mildly I was a mess.  I was in tears and honestly couldn't pray.  I just said, "Jesus, Help".
As I opened my Bible Study, I found that we were discussing suffering in our lives being used for good and the scripture jumped off the page at me, as tears rolled down my face.  I still was crying out, "Jesus, HELP"!  I had to answer the question of how God worked in the life of Joseph in the midst of his suffering.  I was FORCED to look and acknowledge what was good in Joseph's (and obviously mine) in the midst of his suffering and enslavement of his life (the story of Joseph's life is in Genesis).  I half-smiled through the tears and pain and whispered,  "Thank you for the reminder, Lord".  As I was reading, a friend text me to tell me she was praying for me, as she knew that I had shots and she was standing in the gap for me..."Thank you Lord".  As I picked up my devotional to dive into that, my phone went off indicating I had a new message on Facebook.  As I clicked on it to read it, my mouth dropped open, a sob escaped and again, "Thank you Jesus!".  A brother in Christ from church, sent a message asking if everything was okay because he had a strong urge all day to lift me in prayer.  He had NO idea that I was getting shots. As I wrote him back I told him that God was simply amazing and explained it all.  Funny thing is that I felt a peace wash over me...I still felt awful physically...the level of pain was extremely intense and I didn't know how I was going to sleep, shower, go to school, etc...but I KNEW without a doubt that my God was present and cared... and he was telling me JUST that.  Then, as if I needed further confirmation...I opened up my devotional for the day and again, tears poured down my face.  A small excerpt taken from Jesus Calling (Sarah Young) devotional, " Be willing to follow wherever I lead...Though you don't know what lies ahead, I know; and that is enough!...Some of My richest blessings are just around the bend...you must walk by faith--not by sight...Let my light continue to shine within you as you walk among people again."
THANK YOU JESUS!  Wow!  I was in awe of His greatness, His mercy, His love for me, and the knowledge that He wasn't leaving me, even when all I could do was cry His name.  What a powerful time it was that night.  I was able to sleep through the night very soundly and although very stiff and sore the next day, was able to go to school and teach (with a no-hug-Mrs-Witmer-day).
God is good...All the time.  And when I felt like the world was shaking...you guessed it...He held me still.  Thank you Jesus! 
P.S. I have since been back to the main doc, Dr. K...so I have a new post needing to be written...back to the shot doc this week too...prayers appreciated!

Long over-due update #1

I labeled this number 1 as I know that it will be too long to post all in one. I have been avoiding writing it because of this, so hopefully in 2 posts it won't be so hard.  In the last post I had just seen Dr. K and was preparing for my shot doctor the next week (sept 23). Unfortunately I ended up with strep throat and had to reschedule the appt for October 6. That will be for the next post.
I went back to Dr. K on September 30 for a long and detailed appointment.  It was an appointment much like the very first appointment where they did tons of measurements, took pictures of me at all angles, did a full head CT scan, did a biting vibration test, rating my pain levels throughout my body...you name it and the test was run! Ha, at least it felt like it! When he went through the results with me and compared it to the test/pictures taken back in June, it was very interesting to see. There was great improvement in nearly every area.  Even my posture was different, which he attributed some to the mouth appliances and some to the surgery on my nose for the most part, as well as to my lessened neck pain.  After going through all of the results, he told me that we were going to begin weaning off of my day appliance. This is exciting and nerve wracking a bit for me.  But in my mind...I'm still thinking, "but my neck pain is still there....why are we stopping?"  More on that in a bit.  Anyway, the weaning process is about a 5 week process. Each week I have the day appliance out for longer and longer periods of time. The first week I only had it out in one hour increments.  I am now up to four hour stretches, which really means that I mostly have it in to eat and then have it mostly out.  I will wear it to eat for awhile, as the time the jaw is injured the most, is when we are chewing. (interesting factoid 😄). My night appliance will be worn fairly long term. He didn't really give me a time frame on that one.  It will depend how my check ups go and if progress is still being made or maintained. It is going well with weaning and I'm anxious to see how my "tests" show if I am adapting well to it.
So back to my thought of the neck pain still being there...at this point with my jaw being mostly healed up, the nose healed, the shot doctor is where the neck pain will be treated from here on out with direction and guidance still from Dr. K.  At this point, my neck is still not showing up as the primary injury point to be treated. It is my foot and back. More on that in the next post.  As I said above, my tests showed great results on treating my jaw and the doc was very pleased.  He made a comment about as I return for my check ups, we will see if I continue to pass the tests or if I will fail them long term and having jaw pain return.  If jaw pain returns with the weaning off of the day appliance I am to put it back in and call them for an appointment to discuss options. Well, first of all, I never really thought I had that much jaw pain in the first place. So, how will I know if it returns? The dental assistant and doc were so patient with me. Hers is a case like mine and she never felt much jaw pain and things went smoothly until her 6 month check up where she "failed" the testing.  I asked her what happens then?  She said that the dr would completely re-evaluate and move onto step 2 of the process, which could be orthodontics, surgery or other.  This discouraged me to a point, as I don't want to do that...for lots of reasons but that would be a whole new round of bills and I don't know how we would do that at this point.  BUT, God has been amazing through this, so why wouldn't He continue to be amazing, right? So after this appointment, I had joy at seeing the improvements in my tests, discouragement that I still have neck pain and that it has actually increased a bit again, worry over what this process will look like, unclear on what the rest of this process will really be with shot doc and just a feeling of being overwhelmed. There was good news, but also lots of uncertainty. That is hard,especially for a planner like me...but I'm trusting in God's timing and plan in all of this and grateful for a family who picks up the slack...
The next post...the shot doctor...it will be a good one...not fun at all, but definitely full of God's presence and plan.  He IS awesome all the time!  Until the next post...hoping and believing...

My Foot...Really?

An update from my last post...I went to my main doctor, Dr. K, on Friday morning.  He started out reminding me that pain showing up in other areas of my body is a normal thing.  What concerned him was the multiple areas it was showing up.  He told me he had a hunch what it was, but wanted to do the strength and balance testing on me to determine if he was correct.  After doing these tests, I was pretty sure that I knew what it was as well, based on my past experiences with him and this testing.  I have somehow re-injured my foot that we worked on early in the summer.  He asked me if I had pain in my foot, and like in June, I said "No."  Then he pushed his thumb into the same area and like before, it hurt quite a lot.  We are not sure at this point WHY it has been re-injured, and that is something that I will need to talk over with Dr #2, Dr. C, otherwise known as my "shot doc". It could be something as simple as the shoes I am wearing, or it could be the way I walk, or exercise...we don't really know.  He likened it to walking with a small stone in your shoe...you adapt to it being there, but because you are adapting, you walk a little bit differently, which in turn creates the issues in the hips and that spreads to the legs, and the back, etc...He put me back in a toe orthotic, basically a splint to keep my toes separated. I must wear this at all times until I got to Dr. C on Tuesday evening.  At that point I will more than likely get shots in my foot like before and need to have it taped all of the time like before as well.  The odds are also high that I will be getting more shots in my lower back/butt region. Ugh.  Although I dread the shots and the after-effects, if it will help...I'm ready. 

Dr. K was very supportive and encouraging to me.  He agreed this feels like a step back for me. BUT, he also talked about my other strength tests, which are showing that my jaw issues are remaining intact and strong.  His goal is that when I go back on September 30 for a full re-evaluation, that we will be able to start weaning off of my day mouth appliance.  The night appliance I will have for quite some time.  So, there is progress, even if I don't necessarily feel it.

Speaking of my appliances...I forgot to put in one of my last posts about how one night I was making sure I had all of the food out of my appliance once I put it back in my mouth and I noticed "something" right in the front.  I took it out and tried cleaning it to no avail...I had cracked the appliance right in the middle (front of my mouth).  I cried, couldn't eat, was so overwhelmed because I was going to have to replace it and it was NOT cheap to replace.  I was a mess. I had people praying about it and my own prayer was that SOMEHOW they would replace it for me for free or tell me I was to be done with it.   Luckily I was going the next day to see him, but I stayed a mess all that day.  When I got there and I showed him, without hesitation he said, "Oh, that's no big deal.  I broke mine completely in half right there and wore it in two pieces!"  he told me that the only way I had to replace it was if I broke it farther back.  I started crying and told him I sure wish he had told me that the night before! :)  God is good...I didn't have to replace it (no cost or new impressions) and it was no big deal even if it breaks completely.  God is so good! :)
That's all for now...shot doctor on Tuesday, the 23rd...Prayers that the shots wouldn't be as rough this time or in the recovery time...
By the way...I have no idea why the middle is highlighted and I can't get it to turn off...so think of it as added decoration for your viewing pleasure :)

In the valley, but looking up...

I write tonight with somewhat of a heavy heart, yet still hopeful.  May not make sense, but it's where I am at.  In the last 1-2 weeks, my pain has increased quite a bit in my neck.  It has spread out into my upper shoulders and down into my arms a bit.  I am having a lot of difficulty sleeping at night from pains in a lot of new areas of my body.  My hips, down the sides of my thighs, lower back, arms and head.  I wake up and I feel like I'm waking up after a night of working out hard...hurting where I didn't realize I could hurt.  I feel like I'm in a 90 year old body and really struggling.  I've had a couple of migraines in the last week and been in tears more often than I would like to admit.  I had kept it to myself a lot. I felt like if I told someone how much I was hurting and that it was spreading, that it would mean that all of my progress was for nothing and all of the money I am spending on this new treatment was a waste.  Finally, I sat down and told Phil how I was feeling and that I was freaking out a little bit.  I have an appointment with my "shot doc", Dr. C next Tuesday (23rd), but normally the main doc, Dr. K, tells Dr. C what he should be taking a look at and possibly working on.  (sidenote: I'm not positive how it is that he knows where I need to be looked at, but it is all with strength and balance testing).  Anyway, I don't go back to Dr. K until the 30th...so, Phil and I decided that I should email Dr. K and let him know that things were changing and ask him if I was 1. going backwards in healing, 2. if it was a normal dip/valley to go through, 3. if I was falling apart or 4. if I am going crazy???  I explained the timeline of going to Dr. C.   It felt good just to write the email...an hour later (11:00 PM) he wrote me back.  (Can I say again...I love this doctor!!!!)  Anyway, he said it very well could be normal, as he had told me that he believed I had multiple injuries and that these would show up gradually as different parts of me healed.  But he was concerned and didn't want to go any longer with me feeling this way and waiting. He told me his office would call me and get me in this week, so that he could evaluate me, encourage me, and have a plan for when I visit Dr. C next Tuesday.  So, I go on Friday morning (19th) at 9:00 AM to see him.

Tonight I sit here in a lot of pain...in my legs, lower back, upper back, neck and shoulders...but as much as I want to sit and cry and wallow in the "poor me" syndrome...I know God has me on this journey for a reason and I've found these doctors and these treatments for a reason.  I've seen improvement (up until recently) and I know that His strength has helped me endure these last two weeks.  God's strength and an amazing husband who understands me (or tries to anyway), supports me, picks up ALL of the slack when I can't go another step, and makes me take care of myself.  I'm blessed beyond what I deserve...so I have hope.  Hope that I will be encouraged tomorrow.  Hope that this is the next step closer to healing my whole body. Hope that my pain is for a reason. Hope that God has not left me for a single moment in this...even when I felt alone, He has been holding me...and He holds me still....
In the valley, but looking up...

Life Happens

So, it has been nearly a month since an update...partially because I had a few weeks of NOT going to doctors, and partially because I had a few weeks of PURE crazy busy-ness with surgery, school starting, football starting, my "baby" starting Kindergarten, my oldest starting high school, losing a sweet friend far too early in life (more on that in a different post to come), and more.  By the time I had a chance to write again, I figured I should wait for the next round of appointments, that were within days of each other, before updating.  So, I have had 3 appointments since the last post...one at each member of my "team" of doctors.  I will give a synopsis of each appointment, along with sharing how I have been feeling in the process of sharing about the appointments.  I'll try to be brief (smile).
The first appointment was a check-up with the nose surgeon (ENT).  It was a VERY brief appointment.  He asked me how it was feeling, looked in my nose, told me it looked great with only a little swelling, and then told me he would see me back in 6 weeks to check again and remove any remaining stitches.  I need to continue to do my 2X daily saline rinse but other than that have no restrictions.  My nose is a tiny bit tender if I bump it too hard or rub it too roughly, but otherwise it feels back to normal and I do notice that I'm breathing through my nose significantly more than I did before.
The next appointment was with Dr. C, fondly known as my shot doctor!  Dr. K, the main doctor/dentist had asked Dr. C to look at my lower back area as the next target area of injury to "fix".  He re-checked my foot first, to find that it is completely healed up.  If you have followed my story for the last few years, you will know that these shots he gives are, in the simplest explanation, shots to shoot inflammation into the area so that white blood cells attack and heal.  They are extremely uncomfortable to receive and remain uncomfortable for awhile afterwards.  It has been a few years since I got these shots in my neck and I had forgotten how rough they were and I found that the back/butt area is not easier by any means!!!  I had about 15-20 shots across my lower back and butt area and they were pretty rough to get. Once he was done, I didn't feel too bad and went to pay at the reception area.  I had to wait about 5 minutes before being waited on and then it took another 5 minutes or so to pay, schedule next appointment, etc.  By the time I left there I was feeling very stiff and tender and ready to sit down.  My original plan was to stop at Target and do some shopping on the way home.  Instead, by the time I got to that area I was feeling pretty miserable and headed for home.  By the time I got about 10 minutes from home, I was beyond uncomfortable and was near tears driving a stick shift and wanted OUT of the car as soon as possible!  I stopped at home briefly but was on worship that night, so had to head back out.  I didn't sleep the greatest as all positions seemed to hurt and the next day was still pretty miserable.  It literally hurt to wear pants, so I wore some looser/stretchier pants to school and had a no hugging rule! I moved very slowly all day long.  Thankfully that was a Friday and I was able to take it easy over the weekend and be just a little tender by Monday. As I was texting a sweet friend about the shots (she has gone to the shot Dr. too), she reminded me of something funny her husband said as he watched her get similar shots to what I got in the lower back/butt area.  He told her afterwards that he didn't know how the doctor didn't puncture an organ he was going in so deep!  We laughed about it and agreed we are glad we are face down on the table and can't watch!  I go back to him in a couple of weeks and I'm praying that one round of shots takes care of it so that I don't need another round.  It is likely that I will need a second set of shots though. Ugh.
Last week I went back to Dr. K, the dentist.  He did some strength testing and is extremely pleased at my progress and believes that it is possible for the next appointment that I may begin starting to wean off of my day appliance slowly. I will need to wear the night appliance for quite awhile.  Each time I go, I fill out a form to show them my pain levels, areas of pain, concerns, etc since my last visit.  He noticed that all my pain levels and concerns had increased since the last visit and he wanted to know what was going on, what had changed and what was happening in my life...so I explained the 3 weeks that I had since seeing him last with starting work, my babies hitting milestones in school, with the youngest struggling to adjust, unexpected death of a friend/funeral for her, and more.  He looked at me and said "No wonder you're feeling worse!"  I told him that I was discouraged and had felt down about all of the rougher days.  I had significantly increased in neck pain, had more and more severe headaches and jaw pain. He asked me to think about it from a different perspective.  He said to think if all of these same things had happened last year BEFORE he began treatment with me...physically would I have done better, the same, or worse with the pain/headaches.  Without a thought I said "Much worse!"  He agreed and reminded me it's about perspective.  Yes, I have dipped into a bit of a valley lately, but it is STILL so much better than before.  I have to focus on how far I have come and know that I will have dips and valleys, but not to give up, because I will come back up the mountain.  He did a tension release "thing" with my jaw and that immediately improved the pain in the jaw and even the neck area somewhat. Most times I go, they laser my jaw and neck are as well which always helps too.
I am still on the gluten free, dairy free, sugar free diet...which was challenging through my birthday and Brock's birthday, along with Blueberry Festival time!  But, I'm hanging in there!  Thank you all for your continued prayers and concern for me/my family.  Trusting in God's promises to take care of me.
Deuteronomy 31:6 So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.
He hasn't failed or abandoned me yet...so why would He now, right?  Blessings to you...

Surgery Fun

This summer has been a whirlwind...and the last couple weeks have been the same!  After a fun trip with the kids to visit my PA family (in-laws), I got home in time to spend 2 days working in each of my rooms for school and then the next day (Monday), head to my nasal surgery to repair my deviated septum.  As a reminder, the team of doctors believe that the inability to breathe properly through my nose (because of the deviated septum), has caused jaw issues, which has caused other issues, ending in my neck pain.  That is the basic jist of it anyway.  So...Monday late morning my mom picked me up and we headed for the surgery center. I was a little nervous, but definitely felt everyone's prayers, as I was able to stay calm.  I registered and after just a few minutes they took me back to change into a lovely hospital gown, get an IV started and go over basic questions with me.  After that, they brought my mom back to keep me company until it was time. The anesthesiologist and surgeon each came in and went over the procedures one last time and then it was a quick hug from mom and a walk to the surgical room.  Here I am ready to go back...

 After I got on the surgery table and was covered up with blankets, they told me that they were starting the meds and that I should start to feel them quickly.  I remember MAYBE 45 seconds more before waking up in recovery. I woke up and felt good, other than being very groggy. They gave me the post-op instructions, with my mom listening in thankfully, as I was still pretty out of it.  As soon as I felt ready, they let me leave. The doctor did say that after reviewing all of my other issues involved in this, that I would probably have a bit more pain than the average septum repair. (joy) He recommended that I not try to just take Tylenol but to take the pain meds he prescribed.  As the numbness wore off, the pain increased and when I tried to get up and move to brush my teeth, go to the bathroom, etc, I became extremely nauseated and had to sit at the toilet several times.  Below is a picture of me as I looked for just under 24 hours with the bandages below my nose to collect the blood/drainage.  

I did NOT sleep well at all that night. I have to sleep propped up at a 45 degree angle, and found that I could not tilt my head to either side because the blood would start running out of my nose (sorry if that is too much information!).  Tuesday morning I again tried to get up and clean my oral appliances and brush my teeth, only to find myself at the toilet again.  I moved to the couch and found a comfortable position to be in and napped several times throughout the day on Tuesday.    Thank heavens for my mom taking Kiara home with her so that I could rest.  I was very sore, stuffed up, and oh so tired the whole day and evening. Thankfully I was able to sleep well on Tuesday night on the couch.  I was up bright and early to head to Dr. K (dentist) for a check-up today (Wednesday), as well as laser treatments on my nasal passages to help with swelling and healing. I still am pretty sore and swollen (internally), very stuffed up and after being upright more today am exhausted tonight and will head to bed soon.  Today is better than yesterday. Each day will get better.  I am anxious to have the swelling go down and my nose healed up so that I can see if it is making any difference.  I've waited 11 years, what's a few more days, right? HA!  So, I am doing okay.  Moving slowly, being very careful of my face, sniffing a lot, blotting drainage and trying to take it easy. The kids, Phil, and my mom have helped me so much and I am so blessed by that.  Lots of friends checking in on me and encouraging me...I will feel better each day and am praying that I feel LOTS better by Tuesday when I have to go back to school!

Dr. Visits and Surgery Scheduled

I actually had an ENTIRE week with NO doctor's appointments.  That is the first week of the entire summer.  Most weeks I have had multiple appointments even.  This week is no different.  I had two appointments, both on the same day, so thankfully I only had to drive the hour there and back on one day instead of two separate days.  The first appointment was with the shot Doc, Dr. C.  This was a re-check on my foot primarily, and to go over what I have been doing, progress made and any other issues. My foot is not 100% healed, so he did just a couple shots and told me that I need to keep wrapping it daily for 2 more weeks. (Maybe the last week of summer I can get ride of the tan lines this has created????)  I discussed with him some shoulder issues I have been having, which he believes to be strained/pulled tendons.  He did some stretches and pressure points with me for that and said we will keep an eye on it.  I go back to him  in 4 weeks to re-check things.  At that point he may do some work on my neck and/or lower back area depending on my progress at that point.
I had a 3 hour break in between appointments...so I went SHOPPING!  I got some great deals at Good Will, and Kohls and was able to browse a bit at Target, and a few other stores.  It was nice to shop and know that I didn't need to rush home...although, I was feeling a bit rushed at the end of the 3 hours!
In the process of shopping, I was able to take a minute and talk to the surgeon's office to set up my surgery to correct the deviated septum in my nose.  The kids and I are going out of town for a week and when we get back there is only a week left before school starts.  We were really worried about the timing of the surgery...getting an appointment before school but not during vacation.  It worked out perfectly (why did I doubt that God would time this all out for me?), and I am scheduled to go in on Monday, August 4 for a 3:30 pm surgery.  We also have all three kids at the dentist that day and football practice, but I know God will work that all out too! (smile)
Then on to the main specialist, the dentist, Dr. K.  This was mostly a re-check visit. It had been 3 weeks since I had seen him.  We talked about how important it was for me to do everything that he asked me to (vitamins, supplements, wearing my appliances, sticking to my gluten free, dairy free, sugar free diet, etc).  He told me it would be at least a 3 month span of all of those things, if not longer.  He was excited that I had set up the surgery and went over the process of it and recovery. He wants to see me 2 days post-op in order to laser the nasal area, which will aid in the swelling and healing process.  At the end, I was telling him about the long drive I would be making with the kids and my concern about no caffeine and asked if I could PLEASE have diet coke.  He encouraged other options first but admitted that he, himself had "cheated" and had a diet coke on a long drive a couple of weeks prior.  It is nice to have a doctor that is following the same diet guidelines and "gets it" and knows the struggles!  He also showed me a way to travel using a pillow that will help my neck on the long drive.  Hoping it does wonders, as the drive usually results in quite a lot of stiffness.
Have I mentioned lately how blessed I feel by this set of doctors?  Especially Dr. K.  Oh...he also gave me some suggestions to help me sleep better...last night, they didn't help, but that was probably because of a storm and 6 year old in my bed with her foot in my back!  Ha!  We'll try again tonight!
Still feeling hopeful, enjoying much less headaches and some lower pain days as well!  God is good...ALL the time!

Appliances, Trigger Point Injections and Pre-Surgery Visits

Two more doctor's appointments since I wrote last.  I have now gone nearly 2 weeks with my new set of appliances in my mouth.  For the most part I have adjusted and don't notice the day appliance a lot, other than when I eat as chewing up food is a bit harder to do.  I'm sleeping better too so the night guard must not be giving me too many problems.  Last Thursday, I went back to the primary physician (dentist) in all of this, Dr. K. It was basically a check up to determine how the appliances were fitting, if I had concerns with them, how I was adjusting to them, etc.  We did a round of strength testing again and he also evaluated all of the vitamins and supplements I am on to make sure the doses were correct. He actually did some trigger point injections on my neck, as well as lasered my jaw and neck area.  The trigger point injections caused a bit of a flare up in pain the next few days, but I'm over that hump and the effect was minimal.  This is normal after a trigger point injection to have soreness and more pain briefly.  He talked to me about the surgery for the deviated septum and that he wanted me to get that scheduled quickly so that we are all working together. He said all I had to do was call and schedule the surgery with their office. I don't go back to Dr. K for a couple of weeks to see how the appliances are going.

When I got home, I called the ENT, Dr. L.  His office said I could NOT just schedule it and that I had to come back in for another consult. They couldn't get me in until July 21 for the consult.  So, knowing that Dr. K was willing to pull some strings before, I emailed him and asked him if he would rather get me in earlier or if he was okay with waiting few weeks before the consult.  He emailed me back within 5 minutes to let me know that he would take care of it and that I would get a call with a new appointment on Monday morning (the office was already closed for the long holiday weekend).  First thing Monday morning I got a call that I would go the next day, Tuesday for the appointment with Dr. L!  Wow! Once I got there, I discovered he doesn't usually see patients after lunch on Tuesday but fit me in before his first surgery of the day.  (Hmmm...God's timing again)
So, he went over the surgery with me, what he will do, how he will do it (although I'd rather not have known the details--smile), side effects, possible risks, etc.  He then informed me that my insurance was simply delightful (which I TRULY already knew)...my insurance requires me to go on a 10 day antibiotic nasal spray to see if it will heal me before doing the surgery.  Now, a nasal spray cannot and will not move a deviated septum back to where it is supposed to be...BUT, we have to jump through this hoop.  So, he gave me samples so it wouldn't cost me anything, and told me they would call me in at the end of next week to see if I have miraculously been cured by nasal spray, at which point they will schedule the surgery over the phone with me for as soon as possible.  Now...I KNOW that God is going to prove evident again, because the timing is all very tricky...Our 4-H fair is next week, but that is still during my 10 days of nasal spray...the call will come at the end of the week to schedule the surgery.  The week after the fair, we are home, and then the kids and I are travelling to visit my in-laws for the following week.  When we return, I will have one full week before school starts...so basically I am limited on the 'When' of getting this done, but as the history of my story this summer shows, God's timing will be perfect and prevail.  I don't doubt it at all.
So now...I am focused on the fair and enjoying a  week and a half OFF from driving to doctor's visits!  Still feeling so positive, hopeful and relying on God's grace and strength...until next time...

Appointments and Appliances

I've had two appointments since the last update, and need to fill you on the latest.  Again, I will TRY to be as brief as possible, but...I'm wordy and so much is happening!  In the last update I had mentioned that I was headed to the ear/nose/throat/sleep specialist and that my 1st doctor had pulled some strings to get me in the same week.  It was interesting appointment. I was a bit disappointed with this doctor initially.  He hadn't read any of my file, looked at my cat scans or sleep study and after asking me some questions about my sleep habits, seemed to wonder why I was there.  He did examine me then and told me that my deviated septum is pretty severe.  It is supposed to be a straight vertical line, but mine is bent at a 75 degree angle, which probably is affecting my breathing.  He asked me if I thought I had difficulty breathing and I said I didn't notice a problem, but it's just the way I am and I am used to it, so how would I really know?  Upon leaving he told me that he would look over the file and reports, talk to  my first doctor and then let me know what he thought.  I was like, "WHAT?, That's it?"  So, I felt like it was a bit of a wasted trip.
Fast forward to the next week (last Thursday).  I was very excited to go to this appointment for a couple of reasons. 1. I would get my mouth appliances that were fitted for me instead of my temporary one that drove me nuts. 2. I would get to meet the creator of this whole treatment process. The assistant fit me to the appliances and then took a new cat scan with the daytime appliance in and another with the nighttime set in to make sure it was set like it was supposed to be.  Then the doctors came in and I was able to meet the creator of it all...it was awesome to hear from him, see the two doctors interact and analyze me and for this doctor to agree with the treatment plan, other than to say that we need to step it up and attack even harder so that we can get rid of my pain.  I also discovered that there are only 28 doctors in the US trained in this...God has His hand in all of this and the timing of it...I can totally feel that.  11 years ago when this all started, my main doctor wasn't out of med school yet...God's timing is perfect!   As they talked to me, the 1st doctor, Dr. K, told me that he wished he could've "warned" me about the ENT/sleep doctor.  He told me he likes to meet with and examine the patient, with no prior knowledge of the situation (scan results, sleep results, etc...) and then he examines the results and my group of 3 doctors sat down and discussed it together to collaborate and work on a plan for me. They did tell me that I will have to have surgery to correct my deviated septum.  When I asked more questions about this (I mean, really, who WANTS to have surgery?), we realized that I had misunderstood, in a way, my original diagnosis.  So...they believe that the root of all of my injuries (jaw, foot and back) goes back to my deviated septum in my nose causing me to not be able to breathe properly.  The inability to breathe properly through my nose has in turn affected my mouth and jaw issues, which has then spread itself and eventually manifested in my neck. WOW!!!  So, this treatment, along with the surgery for my deviated septum could truly fix me!
By the end of the appointment, both Doctors K and Doctor Creator gave me a long list of vitamins that I had to go get at the Vitamin Shoppe.  I was so clueless walking into the store and spent quite awhile trying to find everything...so 45 minutes and over $100 later, I headed home again, along with stopping to get a prescription of anti-inflammatories as well. Seeing the two doctors together was exciting, encouraging and hopeful for me.  Doctor Creator pushed Dr. K to treat me more aggressively...instead of spreading things out, to take a no holds barred approach to get me better. He told me that the reason he created this treatment was because he had suffered with migraines for years and no one or nothing (meds) helped him at all. He had enough and was determined to fix himself...and he did!  Now his goal is to help as many others as possible through his network for doctors that he has trained. He looked me in the eye and told me that I had suffered long enough and that I was going to get better!
The first few night of sleeping with the night appliance have been challenging.  The nightwear is pretty invasive.  Here's a picture of the night guards...there is actually a small appliance on the bottom and a much larger one on top that has a ring hanging down from it so that I can't fully close my mouth.

 I know it is hard to see and it is a bit dark...I don't put it in until RIGHT before bed because I can barely talk in it.  It is very invasive and uncomfortable, but I'm slowly getting used to it.  The next picture is my day appliance that I wear at all times, even while I am eating (which is also a challenge).  It is hard to see in the picture because they are clear. I'm adjusting pretty quickly to the day guard.

I go back at the end of this week...I am hopeful.  I have already had a few LESS-Pain days. I'm taking less Tylenol and the "diet" of gluten free, dairy free and sugar free is going really well!  To God be ALL glory in this...He is amazing and I see him working at every turn.  I can't begin to show it all here (or maybe you see it yourself), but He is so evident at every appointment and the timing of it all. Thank you God, for hope, patience, sustenance and joy!

Impressions

I think I will try to log and track my updates on my treatments here, and just link them to Facebook.  I know many want to follow the progress and it is difficult to keep everyone in the loop.

Impressions...this title is two-fold. My impressions of my doctors treating me right now are nothing short of amazing. Have I mentioned that I love my new doctor?  Each time that I go (3 times now), along with visiting the others on my team of doctors and office staff that I interact with...this group of people are truly amazing and even if I am not healed through this, I feel blessed to have met and worked with these people.

I went for another visit on Monday and had impressions taken of my mouth in order to get my mouthguards ordered. It was easier than I anticipated (thankfully) and not even a single gag from me!  Hooray!  We reviewed my plan, as well as completed strength testing, that I will do each time that I go to monitor my progress throughout treatment.  They then prepared me for my take-home sleep study and gave me the machine to take home.  I took a picture of me in it, but I will refrain from posting it because I also had calamine lotion all over from a case of poison ivy and it is a bit scary!  He told me he was trying to get the sleep study done as quickly as possible so that he could get the results to the 3rd doctor I will be seeing.  When he asked if I had an appointment with him yet, I told him that it was not scheduled until July 22.  He told me that wasn't acceptable and that he would talk to that doctor that evening and try to get me in during the next week and that I should hear from his office in the next couple of days!  He then told me that normally the appliances are in within a few days, but asked if I would be willing to wait a week and a half to come back for them because the doctor that "created and researched" this process that we are following will be in town and he would really like for him to meet me and examine me too.  I happily agreed...what's one more doctor prodding me, and if it is the guy who created what may heal me...I'm more than happy and excited to meet him!  So, I go back to the dentist/dr. on Thursday, the 26 for the appliances and to meet with both doctors.  I was SUPPOSED to also go to my shot doctor for my foot at the end of this appointment, but it went long and I missed it! Thankfully, since I had to return the sleep study machine on Tuesday morning, the shot doctor got me in on Tuesday morning so I would only have to drive that long drive once instead of multiple times.

Kiara and I set off to return the sleep study and head to the doctor on Tuesday morning.  As I returned the sleep study, they handed me a note from the doctor that had a new appointment for the ear/nose/throat and sleep study specialist...instead of July 22, I will now see him THIS Thursday, June 19!!!  I guess my doc has some pull!  He wanted this visit to take place before seeing him next week with this doctor who created this.  Off to the shot doctor we went then.  He believes that I have strained/sprained the tendons and ligaments in the front arch of my foot.  He gave me several shots and then taped my foot.  I am not limited in my activities, as long as I have my foot taped at all times to secure and support that area of the foot. I will tape it every day for 4 weeks and then return to see how it is doing.

This is the summer of doctor appointments apparently, but I am so thankful for being off as I can't imagine how many days I would have eaten up going to all of these appointments.

A side note that I didn't mention...Monday started out a little frazzled.  Last week when I went to the dentist it took me about 45 minutes...Monday, I got stopped in traffic for a broken down RV that they were hooking to a tow truck and moving so I was running behind.  Then when I got to close to the dentist, I got stopped at a railroad tracks for about 13 minutes!!!  It took me an hour and 10-15 minutes this trip.  I had to call to tell them I was still coming but that I had difficulties! Luckily they still took me back but boy was I frazzled by the time I rushed in 15 minutes late!

So, that's where I am at this point.  I feel hopeful. I feel happy. Even being on this crazy gluten free, dairy free, sugar free diet!  My impressions of this treatment so far... are very good!

Glimmer of Hope

The last year or so, I have kept to myself quite a bit with my neck pain.  In the last 4 months, my pain has increased significantly and after taking over a year off of any attempts to seek treatment/healing, I felt God telling me that it was time to begin again. Phil and I sat down and laid out a 'plan' of action...who/what we would try first and go from there...my first 3 choices on the plan of action either fell through, or I couldn't be seen for months, so I went on to my fourth choice. (Don't tell that doctor he was my 4th choice--Ha!)  I went back to my "shot doctor" that I had seen a couple of years ago as he had written me a note out of the blue that he had some ideas and new training that might help me. I met with him and he tole me he was working with a team of doctors that they have had great success treating those with chronic pain that other treatments alone had not helped.  The odd thing...the Dr. was a dentist.  I've tried so many odd things through the past 10 1/2 years that it didn't really phase me and I said, let's go for it.  So...I saw this dentist at the end of May for a consultation.  He told me he saw enough red flags that he wanted to pursue doing some tests with me to determine if he thought he could help me.  At this initial visit I have to say that I was BEYOND impressed with the Doctor and his office staff.  I have NEVER been to an office where I felt so welcomed, taken care of and understood.  He went through my entire 10 1/2 year history in detail with me and really listened to me.
So...we set up a "next" appointment to have some extensive (and expensive) testing done.  Below is the overview/update/plan of action from that appointment.

Some have been waiting patiently for this blog, others did not even know it was coming...I will try to keep it concise but a 2 1/2 hour appointment with a doctor has SO much information to pass on!
The appointment started with a battery of tests...measurements of my mouth, placement of jaws, pictures of all that, pics of my posture from all angles, pressure points of pain on my upper body, a cat scan from the shoulders on up, strength tests, including a "chronic pain test" to test whether I truly had this pain or it was in my head (he didn't tell me ahead of time on that one or I might've flipped out!) and much more. With this chronic pain test, he did something that was very good for me emotionally...if you want to know details of how he did it, I can tell you but I will leave it out as this is a long one.  Anyway, at the end of the test he got down to my eye level and said to me "You have chronic pain." He paused as I looked confused and thought.."Duh, that's why I'm here!"  He then told me what I was thinking and said he just did a test that has been proven 99% of the time accurately to show whether a patient is truly suffering from chronic pain and it isn't mental and he said it was beyond obvious that I AM in chronic pain.  He is really only the 2nd doctor to ever say these words to me.  I cried and he teared up...
Then he analyzed all of the data they had collected with me, step by step, to show me and explain to me what they had found.  The simple explanation....He believes that my neck pain is not the actual injury point (which is why in 10 1/2 years, they can't find anything truly wrong with my neck), but believes my neck pain is a result of my body compensating for other injuries over time.  He believes there are multiple injuries in my body, but wants to focus on what he calls the primary injuries. He believes my injuries are: Jaw injury, foot injury, lower back injury, along with a deviated septum in my nose which is causing an inability to breathe properly (which contributes to the jaw problems).   So, what's the plan?  Our big focus was on the physical treatment, but we also discussed whole health of body, mind and spirit/emotions.
THE PLAN--
1.  I will be fitted Monday for mouth guards that will be worn 24/7...a bottom guard to be worn during the day and a top guard to wear at night. I have a temporary generic one right now that is not going well...I keep gagging on it it because of it's design...so pray that my real ones come in quickly!
2.  I will go back to my "shot doctor" on Monday afternoon for him to work on my foot. This doesn't necessarily mean shots to my foot, as he does other things too.  Oh...and the foot injury...I had no idea my foot was injured but he did a pressure point thing and I about came out of the chair because of the pain...he did the same on the other foot and no pain at all.  Very bizarre!
3.  The deviated septum problem will be analyzed by a ear/nose/throat specialist who also specializes in sleep issues.  Before going to him, I will be taking an at-home sleep study test for him to analyze.  They do not think I have a sleep problem related to the deviated septum, but want to be sure.  I do not wake up rested, but he feels strongly that is because of my pain, not because of a sleep problem.  He wants to be sure that is the case.
4. He has asked me as a whole health approach to go gluten free, sugar free, and dairy free.  This is partly because these foods have inflammatory tendencies and we want to rid my body of that so that it can heal more effectively.  But the idea of simply "eating and being healthy" can only promote feeling better and working with my body to heal.
5. This is a process...I will not feel better overnight once all of this begins.  He reminded me I have suffered for 10 1/2 years and it likely started before that even...my body is going to take time to recover, heal and move forward.
Soothing salve moments-->
1. Acknowledging I have chronic pain and tearing up with me.
2. In our discussion that he thinks that I CAN be helped and feel better after so long, we both got emotional and he had to step out a minute. When he returned he told me that my story has really touched him and he wants so desperately to help me and was so thankful that the tests came out how they did so that we can keep moving forward.
3. He talked to me about how good of a "faker" I have become, as I fooled him in my first visit as well about the level of my pain.  In fact, very few people at my schools this year have any idea that I suffer from pain.  Only the few that I felt necessary to tell.  He talked with me about how I fake it all day long to everyone and that he bets I even fool my family and they don't realize how badly I feel some days, and talked about how he bets that I come home from work and want to curl into a ball and hide from the world and have nothing left to give my family.  At this point the tears were rolling down my cheeks.  He encouraged me to try to be a bit more "real" with my family especially so that they can see the changes (hopefully) that are taking place...he also told me (which I knew) that "faking it" is taking a huge emotional toll on me and that will hinder the healing.
4. He told me that each time I come I will re-hear what is going on with me, what they are currently doing and what they will do next.  He said that he knew my mind was going all over, especially with questions of why this hasn't been discovered before and that I can't process it all at once because of this long journey.  He encouraged me to not think about all of the past treatments and how they didn't work and question why, but to simply move forward and look forward with him and work whole-heartedly on the NOW.
5. There are more, but my mind can't think of them all...have I mentioned that I LOVE this doctor???

So, I am hopeful.  The treatment is very expensive and they are out of network (of course) so most of it is going to be out of pocket...insurance has said it will pay 'up to 50%' but the office manager told me that my insurance usually does not pay well with other patients they have had and to plan on managing it on our own. But Phil and I feel like we have to do this...we have to try it.  To have someone believe in me, believe it is possible to be healed after all this time, to be encouraged and understood in such a way...if nothing else, emotionally it has been amazing.  As I look back and think this was choice number 4 on our action plan, I am so thankful that the first 3 didn't work out, as it could've been months or even years before I reached this doctor.  Pray with me that this is it!!!!  But more importantly, pray with me that I can continue to give the honor and glory to God and receive His strength and hope first and foremost.

Sorry for the incredibly long post...I only scratched the surface believe it or not...send me an email or facebook if you want to know more details or have specific questions.  Thank you for sharing this journey with me...God is amazing and is doing GREAT things...I just KNOW it! :)

Hypocrite? Or Disciple? Or both?

In my mind I have been pondering many things...it starts with my neck pain, but travels to my faith, lack of faith, back to my faith and what it all means.  I have been in a "pain slump" for awhile now. The pain has been worse and I have trudged along with not many people even realizing it. But, I know it and inside it often eats at me.  I get angry and since it is all internal, I shut down a bit emotionally and definitely spiritually.  I read scripture, do my devotions, go to church, pray for others, pray with others, but talk to God about me...nope...ain't happening.
Then my mind goes to the gifts that God has given me.  I believe that God has given me the gift of encouragement to others. When others are in need, I step in and pray with them, pray for them, send and tell them scripture, basically surround them with the love of Christ. It is good for me to use that gift and I do it without a second thought.  When someone is struggling, my first instinct is to find a scripture and an encouraging word for them and to point them to Christ.  Yet, in my own suffering...I choose to close up and deal with the pain alone...even myself, not turning to God.  Yes I continue to read the scriptures and apply it to the "rest of my world" but struggle to find the encouragement for myself that I so quickly give to others.  Why do I so quickly encourage others, yet can't seem to apply that same encouragement for myself.  I believe it whole-heartedly for them...why not for me?
So, lately I have been wondering if I am a hypocrite? I can point others to Christ yet in my journey of pain I choose to close the pain off from Christ's encouragement at times. Why do I do that?  Do I think that because He hasn't healed me after 10+ years that the pain doesn't matter to Him anymore?  Do I just see others as more important than me?  Can I only accept that He loves the rest of me but doesn't love me enough to relieve the pain?  I'm not really sure and that is what I continue to ponder.  I ponder if I truly will live the rest of my days in pain.  Tonight my pain is very high, along with a horrid headache.  I just want to hide away, but I won't. I'll go to bed, drag myself up in the morning and go to school...and try to be Christ's light to others when I can't see it for myself.  Does that make me a hypocrite?  Or does it make me a disciple? I don't know.  I will head off soon to read my Bible, do my devotional, say my prayers (for others) and sleep so that I can be unaware of the pain for awhile...and tomorrow I will start again.  Another day...another chance to point others to Him...I don't want to be a hypocrite and I hope that I am not...I hope that I am simply in a pain slump...and that as it always does, that the slump will eventually go away and I will feel His presence not just in others lives and encouragement, but in my own pain and life as well.  Until the slump ends...thankful for a sweet friend who meets me where I am, and encourages me, prays for me and loves me..through the slump. Bless you friend...you know who you are.

Our Toothless Angel

Wednesday, December 16 was a big day for Kiara! It was her last day of pre-school until after Christmas, her very last pre-school Christmas program AND...the loss of her VERY FIRST TOOTH!  The funny thing was that we didn't realize her tooth was all that loose until then! She said that it really was hurting her at preschool and was loose and was working on it while driving in Grandma's car after school.  It just "fell right out" onto her coat! No pain, no blood! Could she BE any cuter? This face was the one that greeted me at the door when I got home after school and I noticed right away!  Just when I thought she couldn't get any cuter!

 Here she is all ready to go to her last pre-school Christmas program.  She looks like an angel in these pictures in front of the tree.  Don't let that fool you! HA!

 The dress that she has on is a dress that Grandma in Pennsylvania gave her for Christmas. We had Christmas in early November when they came to visit! We were glad she was able to wear it for her program and we couldn't believe she left the bow in her hair the whole time...she is a headband or ponytail kind of gal!

 Here she is after her program on the stage.  She had her own little photo shoot and then proceeded to do some singing and dancing around the stage as well.  That is on video and will be used at a later date I am sure!

 I LOVE this sweet face...both with teeth and without!

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 One last picture with her sweet best buddy, Ella who goes to preschool with her, as well as to church with her.  They are such cute BFF's!