New plan and another doctor

I should've written this post last month, but I didn't. So, here I sit, trying to remember it all...I went back to my main doc, Dr. K on April 29.  At the previous visit he had put me on a nasal spray to do 5-6 times per day (for more info why, refer to previous post).  Unfortunately this spray did not decrease my pain levels. He had told me that when I came in April if there had not been improvement that he wasn't sure what to do, but that we would sit down as the whole doctor team and myself and do some brainstorming to see if we were missing something.  I had prepared all day for the end of the road speech and had several friends praying for God's perfect peace in my heart. Instead I got something different. He did his full exam and strength testing and told me that everything looks great and that were no areas that needed work.  My jaw is maintaining where it should be and all is good...except that I'm still having lots of pain.  So I think..."here it comes" and take a deep breath.  Instead he told me that he has some new ideas and a brand new plan.  He has been talking to a variety of colleagues about me and without boring you with the details of it all, Dr. K wants to send me to a specialist in Chicago. She is a specialist in CranialSacral Therapy.  This was something I had not heard of before, but he has seen great results with a few other patients who have gone there. I'm not sure I will explain it well here, but inside our bodies we have a lining called fascia (similar to the skin-type lining on ribs that you have to remove before cooking)...During injury it can stretched and mis-aligned and the thought is that it is not moving back to where it needs to go.  It won't retract and remain stable there...so we have  to train it to do that. This is done by slight massage to your head and spinal areas in a very particular fashion.  Yes, it sounds a bit "out there" to me too...but its been 11 1/2 years and I've done crazier things than this!  After going through all of this, he asked me what I was thinking because I was sitting there dazed.  I had just prepared myself for the end of the road speech and he blew me away with a plan instead.  I started crying and told him just that and that I was overwhelmed and wished I had brought someone with me.  He immediately got me set up for a phone conference call with Phil and I the following week so he could explain it all again and we could take notes and ask questions.   He also wants me to go back on zija (the product I took a few years ago and had 7 months with little pain before it stopped working).

Jump ahead....Phil and I "met" with him over the phone to go over it all again and we gave him the go ahead to set up the appointments for me.  A couple of days later, he emailed me and said he had talked with my other doctors and they decided to try something else first.  (That means there is a Plan A and a Plan B!!!)  Instead, they are sending me to Chicago to meet with a specialist in osteopathic and acupuncture medicine (along with a few other things too).  I have done the osteopathic adjustments and acupuncture before with no relief, but I trust this team of doctors and if they want me to do it, I will.  I let him know my concerns, along with concerns of having to go there on a regular basis, which is not real feasible to travel to Chicago all of the time.  I agreed to go to the consultation and go from there. My insurance is not accepted there, so once again the bills will mount.  But, I'm trusting God to provide.  He hasn't failed in that area yet.  So...I head to Chicago on my very first day off of school, Thursday, June 4.  I've never driven to or in Chicago before...that will be a new adventure all in itself! HA!

So...I drink my zija. I wait for my appointment. And I trust that God has a plan even in this, yet another fork in the road. Yet another summer begins with treating my neck...but at least it will be summer and I'll have the time.  At least that's what I am trying to think.  

May 3...23 years later



Anyone who knows me at least relatively well, knows that in high school, my best friend, Kiara Joy was killed in a car accident. I've written about it many times on here and in other places, so tonight isn't a re-telling of that night, what happened, etc...I just need to reflect a little on my journey this year in this last week before the anniversary.  This year the dates all aligned with the same days and so for some reason this year the memories seemed a bit more vivid...even the prom dates lined up the same and as I saw pics last weekend of those going to prom, memories flooded in of that night and the last picture we had taken together.  She went with a group of gals and I went with a boy...but we got pics together as it was her senior prom and we wanted something to remember it by.  Then as the week went on, I would remember little things about those days as well...a silly note that she wrote me, a dumb fight we got into...a tennis match at Bremen on Thursday night that she rode with my mom to watch me at.  I even remember the shirt she was wearing and the sound of her voice cheering me on...Friday I had flashbacks of our last phone conversation that night, the words that I will never forget...As I woke up yesterday I remembered the order of my day 23 years ago...SAT test first thing in the morning, tennis practice where I broke a string, the drive in movie that I went to that night (and hated the dumb movie and was freezing the whole time).  As I went to bed last night, I remembered going to bed that night, having no idea my life would never be the same.  Through a series of events (which is a whole different post), I was not sleeping last night and I watched the clock move past the time of the accident, past the time of her death and reach the time of the phone call that we got from her parents in the middle of the night from the hospital.  My stomach hurt, my heart broke all over again and I just stared at her picture that I had just posted on facebook.  It felt so fresh and real all over again.  I didn't sleep much last night and when I woke was flooded again with memories of that day 23 years ago...a visit from a friend and her mom to be sure we knew, a stop at another friends house to tell her and her mom, a church service that I couldn't sit through and ended up leaving, a time all together with the choir grieving in the PHS choir room all afternoon...and the memories continue to flow of those first few days...I don't know why the aligning of the days has made it harder this year. I really don't.  All I know is that I have cried and laughed, grieved and remembered...and it's okay.  It's what I needed and it's okay.  I went to the cemetery and after crying at any little thing all weekend long, I got there and there were no tears...and then I started laughing and telling her that I promise I did miss her even if the tears weren't there at the moment and I could picture her smiling with a twinkle in her eye and laughing at me...
I mentioned on facebook that I worry people tire of me talking about her each year...but it really doesn't matter.  My life was forever changed by Kiara Joy...her life, her friendship and her death.  I choose to honor her, love her, celebrate her and remember her...every day, but especially this day.
I will always love you Kiki!