Hypocrite? Or Disciple? Or both?

In my mind I have been pondering many things...it starts with my neck pain, but travels to my faith, lack of faith, back to my faith and what it all means.  I have been in a "pain slump" for awhile now. The pain has been worse and I have trudged along with not many people even realizing it. But, I know it and inside it often eats at me.  I get angry and since it is all internal, I shut down a bit emotionally and definitely spiritually.  I read scripture, do my devotions, go to church, pray for others, pray with others, but talk to God about me...nope...ain't happening.
Then my mind goes to the gifts that God has given me.  I believe that God has given me the gift of encouragement to others. When others are in need, I step in and pray with them, pray for them, send and tell them scripture, basically surround them with the love of Christ. It is good for me to use that gift and I do it without a second thought.  When someone is struggling, my first instinct is to find a scripture and an encouraging word for them and to point them to Christ.  Yet, in my own suffering...I choose to close up and deal with the pain alone...even myself, not turning to God.  Yes I continue to read the scriptures and apply it to the "rest of my world" but struggle to find the encouragement for myself that I so quickly give to others.  Why do I so quickly encourage others, yet can't seem to apply that same encouragement for myself.  I believe it whole-heartedly for them...why not for me?
So, lately I have been wondering if I am a hypocrite? I can point others to Christ yet in my journey of pain I choose to close the pain off from Christ's encouragement at times. Why do I do that?  Do I think that because He hasn't healed me after 10+ years that the pain doesn't matter to Him anymore?  Do I just see others as more important than me?  Can I only accept that He loves the rest of me but doesn't love me enough to relieve the pain?  I'm not really sure and that is what I continue to ponder.  I ponder if I truly will live the rest of my days in pain.  Tonight my pain is very high, along with a horrid headache.  I just want to hide away, but I won't. I'll go to bed, drag myself up in the morning and go to school...and try to be Christ's light to others when I can't see it for myself.  Does that make me a hypocrite?  Or does it make me a disciple? I don't know.  I will head off soon to read my Bible, do my devotional, say my prayers (for others) and sleep so that I can be unaware of the pain for awhile...and tomorrow I will start again.  Another day...another chance to point others to Him...I don't want to be a hypocrite and I hope that I am not...I hope that I am simply in a pain slump...and that as it always does, that the slump will eventually go away and I will feel His presence not just in others lives and encouragement, but in my own pain and life as well.  Until the slump ends...thankful for a sweet friend who meets me where I am, and encourages me, prays for me and loves me..through the slump. Bless you friend...you know who you are.