In the valley, but looking up...

I write tonight with somewhat of a heavy heart, yet still hopeful.  May not make sense, but it's where I am at.  In the last 1-2 weeks, my pain has increased quite a bit in my neck.  It has spread out into my upper shoulders and down into my arms a bit.  I am having a lot of difficulty sleeping at night from pains in a lot of new areas of my body.  My hips, down the sides of my thighs, lower back, arms and head.  I wake up and I feel like I'm waking up after a night of working out hard...hurting where I didn't realize I could hurt.  I feel like I'm in a 90 year old body and really struggling.  I've had a couple of migraines in the last week and been in tears more often than I would like to admit.  I had kept it to myself a lot. I felt like if I told someone how much I was hurting and that it was spreading, that it would mean that all of my progress was for nothing and all of the money I am spending on this new treatment was a waste.  Finally, I sat down and told Phil how I was feeling and that I was freaking out a little bit.  I have an appointment with my "shot doc", Dr. C next Tuesday (23rd), but normally the main doc, Dr. K, tells Dr. C what he should be taking a look at and possibly working on.  (sidenote: I'm not positive how it is that he knows where I need to be looked at, but it is all with strength and balance testing).  Anyway, I don't go back to Dr. K until the 30th...so, Phil and I decided that I should email Dr. K and let him know that things were changing and ask him if I was 1. going backwards in healing, 2. if it was a normal dip/valley to go through, 3. if I was falling apart or 4. if I am going crazy???  I explained the timeline of going to Dr. C.   It felt good just to write the email...an hour later (11:00 PM) he wrote me back.  (Can I say again...I love this doctor!!!!)  Anyway, he said it very well could be normal, as he had told me that he believed I had multiple injuries and that these would show up gradually as different parts of me healed.  But he was concerned and didn't want to go any longer with me feeling this way and waiting. He told me his office would call me and get me in this week, so that he could evaluate me, encourage me, and have a plan for when I visit Dr. C next Tuesday.  So, I go on Friday morning (19th) at 9:00 AM to see him.

Tonight I sit here in a lot of pain...in my legs, lower back, upper back, neck and shoulders...but as much as I want to sit and cry and wallow in the "poor me" syndrome...I know God has me on this journey for a reason and I've found these doctors and these treatments for a reason.  I've seen improvement (up until recently) and I know that His strength has helped me endure these last two weeks.  God's strength and an amazing husband who understands me (or tries to anyway), supports me, picks up ALL of the slack when I can't go another step, and makes me take care of myself.  I'm blessed beyond what I deserve...so I have hope.  Hope that I will be encouraged tomorrow.  Hope that this is the next step closer to healing my whole body. Hope that my pain is for a reason. Hope that God has not left me for a single moment in this...even when I felt alone, He has been holding me...and He holds me still....
In the valley, but looking up...