Happy Tears...

This morning was our 2 week post-operative check up after Phil's eye surgery.  He has been face down for 2 weeks now (7 total weeks). We were hopeful that at this appointment we would get news that he could be upright, but other than that didn't know what else we would learn.  Well...let me tell you it was an eventful appointment and went much longer than we had anticipated.  

Before the doctor even looked at Phil's eye, he talked with us about how he wanted to get Phil back to work soon, as he was worried about Phil's job and knows that he needs to work. We were shocked at this announcement, but knew he hadn't looked at the eye yet, so didn't get too hopeful.  He looked at the eye then several times and was very happy with what he saw.  He says that although he can't guarantee anything until the gas bubble in his eye is gone, that is indeed 100% attached and looks fantastic!  That news was a looooooonnnnnggggg time coming!  He also gave us the FANTASTIC news that Phil does NOT have to be face down any longer.  He can resume being upright and sleeping on his sides, but still needs to wear his eye patch for the next 2 weeks or so.  I can't tell you how good it was to hear that news!

THEN...he asked us if we were in a rush because he'd like to go ahead and dilate the "good" eye and take a look at it yet today.  So, Phil was given drops and back to the waiting room we went.  We sat there for awhile before they gave him more drops in the eye and took him back in for the doctor to look at it.  Upon examining it, he stated that he wanted to do more laser surgery on it, as he thought he could possibly fix it to the point that no surgery was needed.  So, we headed to the laser surgery room while he finished up with other patients in the office.  They were only to be open 1/2 day today and I think we might've interrupted some Black Friday shopping for some of his staff...

He did the laser surgery and upon finishing said that he believes that he has prevented the need for the major eye surgery that he had in the other eye.  It may need to be revisited in the future, but he said it took really well and that he is very hopeful that this will take care of it! Thank you Jesus!

That's not even the end of it!!!  Phil will be allowed to try to go back to work on Monday, December 4 for 1/2 days as he is able.  He will have restrictions and is not allowed to lift anything, but will be able to go back and do at least some of his job!  Phil is ecstatic and thinks it will be a long week waiting.  I'm just hoping he can build up some stamina and energy by then.  It has been so long since he has slept well...over 3 months since his symptoms first started.  He couldn't wait to go to bed tonight as he gets to sleep on his side and hopefully will finally sleep soundly.

I've been breaking out into the chorus "Praise God, Praise God. Praise God who saves my soul. Praise God. Praise God. Praise God from whom all blessings flow." all night long.    We know everything isn't perfect yet and that we still have a ways to go, but this is the first really good news we've had in such a long time.  We are headed to get our Christmas tree tomorrow and Phil will actually be able to go with us!!!!  He won't be able to help with any of it, but he will be WITH us!  

Yesterday, as we were preparing to eat lunch at my parent's house...I had to go in the other room and cry for a minute as I was just so sad that Phil couldn't be there with us.  I was sad for him that he was at home face down while we were celebrating and eating a feast.  My heart hurt.  TODAY, my heart rejoices in our great news and the tears were of a different sort...HAPPY TEARS and I'm so thankful for them.

Thank you, thank you, thank you...for your prayers and thoughts, texts, emails, messages, posts...you name it.  They have meant the world to us so far in this journey and it is wonderful to know that as we continue on that you are there pulling for us.  We. Are. Blessed.

Prayer Requests for this week:

1. That Phil remembers to be cautious and not over-do things.

2. That his sleep patterns would return to normal and he would get rested up.

3. That both eyes continue to heal and that his vision would continue to come back fully.

Still hanging in there...

It's been over a week since an update and I am beginning to field more questions, so I thought it was a good time to update.  Phil has been at the doctor twice since my last post.  At both appointments, the doctor has been extremely pleased with how the retina looks.  Fully attached and healing nicely!!! Thank you Jesus! That is the most important news to get and we are so thankful to know that things are looking up.  He goes back to the doctor this Friday. I keep telling him I'm going Black Friday shopping and he's sitting in the car after his appointment! HA!  We hope at this appointment, we will hear he can be upright again.  That was what he told us SHOULD happen, but we've been there before and don't want to get our hopes too high.

With this second surgery, he has had a significantly higher pressure in his eye than he had with the first surgery.  The pressure is high enough that the doctor has him on meds (diomax) to keep the pressure from raising anymore.  These meds are making him nauseous and just feeling rotten all over.  Plus, the high pressure in his eye is causing it to feel very pressurized and more painful this go around.  In fact, his entire face is tender from this pressure.  After being in this face down position for over 6 weeks now, Phil's body is revolting a bit.  His shoulders, back and head are in a lot of pain and he can't find a position that is comfortable to sleep in and let his body relax.  Today he was at migraine level pain and feeling just awful.  It is hard not being able to do much for him.  I rubbed his shoulders, neck and head for him tonight which he said felt great...but I wish there was more for me to do for him.  Even his forehead is extremely tender as it has been the point that is supporting his head when he is face down.  

This week is the boys football banquet (Brock's last one) and Thanksgiving and Phil will miss both of those events.  Brock and Grant also went hunting for the first time this weekend and that was hard for Phil to miss.  It's been a tough couple of months.  I am tired.  I push and push and push until I fall into a chair or the bed at night during the week.  It is concert season for me, which is a higher stress level anyway, so I'm feeling the tension and the stress. But I always have 'just enough' to get through the day.  Thanks be to God.  And I have found that it's okay to go to bed and take care of myself instead of worrying about my to-do lists. 

Prayer requests:

1. Release from the pain and pressure in Phil's head.  Comfort for his body so that he can rest.

2. Good news at the doctor Friday to be upright.

3. Patience in the waiting.

4. Comfort for Phil in missing out on things...and my ability to keep it all together.

5. Rest for us. One more day of school and then 5 whole days off.  Pray that it would be a sweet time with our family.

We are blessed by so many of you...checking on us, praying for us, providing meals, loving us, texting and calling.  We see the love of Christ in each of you. Thank you.

Post-Surgery and Oh So Tired

Life was a little busy the last two days and so many have been messaging me and asking how Phil is doing.  I apologize for not posting anything sooner, but between post op appointment, grocery shopping, getting my oldest off to a semi-formal, trying to spend a little time with my youngest and taking care of Phil, there really hasn't been much time to do it.

Friday was surgery day.  He had to be at the hospital at 2:00 pm and I had my 2nd Veterans Day program happening at 1:30, so thankfully my dad was able to get Phil to the hospital to get registered and into his room.  My program ended and I was immediately off to the hospital.  I got there in plenty of time to sit and wait and chat a little bit.  We had thought the surgery was at 4:15, but the surgeon didn't get to the hospital until 5:00 PM. So after a short visit with him, they wheeled Phil back to surgery about 5:10 pm.  And then the waiting began again...My dad and I got some coffee and went to the main waiting room as it was more comfortable than his tiny room. As we were sitting there, some sweet friends of Phil and I's showed up to keep us company. (I had told them they didn't need to come...but they didn't listen--ha!) It certainly did pass the time to have them there and distract me from the clock.

About 7:15 PM, the doctor came out to tell us that everything went very well and that he was pleased.  He let us know we were to meet him at 8:00 AM on Saturday at his office for the post-op check and to have the dressing changed/taken off.  His nurse then came out and gave us instructions and let us know he would come to recovery soon.

Around 8:00 PM, Phil was brought back to his room, awake and very loopy and VERY nauseous.  He did not have this reaction last time (nausea).  If you know Phil, you know he has a fear of getting sick.  He HATES it. But the nausea meds that were prescribed were suppositories and he wanted nothing to do with that (smile). He got worse and worse and very agitated with it.  Finally the nurse grabbed the anesthesiologist and he wrote a prescription for his IV.  Within minutes his whole body relaxed and he felt much better thankfully.    He kept us entertained with his loopy-ness that he doesn't really remember.  I'll be nice and NOT share the funny stories here, but I will tell you that he wanted to take selfies...which is NOT normal...and wanted to be sure it was a GOOD one of us. 

We finally were released and made it home about 10:35 PM.  After getting him settled in, given pain meds and making sure he wasn't going to need anything else, I fell into bed for a few hours.  Back up and to the doctor in the morning for post-op check up.  The doctor was again very pleased and says that the retina is FULLY ATTACHED!  Praise God!!!!  He was more personable and chatty and even cracked a couple of jokes with us. 

He is having quite a bit of pain, not just in his eye, but his whole face and head hurts.  He is having trouble getting comfortable and is pretty miserable.  It's so hard to not be able to help him in any way, other than give him his slew of eyedrops and pain meds and try to help him get comfortable.  We have so much to be thankful for...we really do.  The surgery was successful. We have a fantastically gifted doctor, we have family and friends that are there for us and encouraging us.  His eyesight should remain intact (with a prescription change likely). We serve a God who remains faithful and showing Himself to us daily.

BUT, we are tired.  We are weary.  We are discouraged.  He's in pain. He's uncomfortable.  He's feeling guilty for being down and leaving everything to the rest of us.  He's guilty about not going to work.  We are tired...did I mention that?  I am oh so tired, but life moves forward. It didn't stop on Friday for us (or 12 weeks ago when this all started).  Time marches on and with it we wake up each day and we begin again...only in God's strength. Only with His arms wrapped around us.    Isaiah 41:10 has been shared with me multiple times and friend encouraged me to read it from the Message translation...All I can say is WOW.  Here it is: "I pulled you in from all over the world, called you in from every dark corner of the earth, telling you 'I've picked you. I haven't dropped you. Don't panic. I'm with you.  There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.'"  Yes indeed...so here are our prayers requests.

1.  Lessening of the pain and continued healing for Phil.
2.  That Phil could find a comfortable position to be in so he can rest.
3. ENERGY and STRENGTH for me, as life swims around us and I'm overwhelmed with taking care of it all...including work, home, laundry, taking care of myself and all of my family...
4. That we would continue to feel God's presence each day of this trial and that we can point others to HIM. 

Like I said...we have much to be thankful for.  We truly do.  This is a season. And we will get through it.  But we are weary.  Thank you for checking on us. Loving us. Coming alongside us. Be examples of Christ's love.  We love you all.

Surgery...again

I'm sitting here with lots of words swimming in my head, but no idea what to say and how to put it all into explanations and feelings...so as I process through my numbness, I'll just share information.  The synopsis of Phil's appointment today:

The doctor came in, looked at both eyes and left the room, which kind of surprised me and the nurse didn't look real clear either on it.  We were the last patients of the day and so it wasn't that he was checking on someone else.  He came back after a few minutes and told us he had needed to take a little walk. He said that he was very frustrated and that he knew we were too.  At this point we knew it wasn't going to be good news.  There is still fluid underneath the retina and it is simply not draining out and getting better. He feels that the best option is to go in and do the surgery again.  They will take out the gas bubble that is in his eye now, do the repair, and then put a new gas bubble in.  He will then be face down for 2 weeks again.  He tells us that it will be 2 weeks or less this time...but we aren't getting our hopes up.  The surgery will be tomorrow,  Friday (Nov 10) in the late afternoon.

He did say that he is hopeful that another laser surgery (in office, non-invasive) surgery on the good eye will keep us from needing to do the full surgery on that eye at all.  Again, we are hopeful, but not counting on it.  This would be the 3rd laser surgery on this eye. 

I don't have words...and ya'll know that doesn't happen often.  This was not the news we wanted to hear.  We are disappointed, overwhelmed, and so many other emotions right now. Phil doesn't know how he will do this again...I'm wondering the same...But we will.  One day at a time.  Maybe one moment at a time.  God has gotten us through the last 6 weeks (really 12 since the symptoms started) and He will get us through the next few.  He won't leave us now.  We know that.  We really do, but right now we have lots of feelings and emotions at the forefront and it is hard to stay focused on that.

My dad will be taking Phil up to get registered and checked in at the hospital because I have two veterans day programs to put on at each of my schools.  Immediately after the 2nd one, my principal has given me permission to leave to get to the hospital before he goes back into surgery.  We will have to return on Saturday morning for the doctor to change the dressing out and examine his eye. 

So, prayer requests:
1. A successful and final surgery on this eye.
2. Peace and calmness in the midst of all of the emotions happening.
3. A heart of thankfulness, as we know there are those who have it much worse.
4. For Phil to feel God's presence before, during and after surgery and that God will sustain Him and grow him during the 2 weeks of face down.

Thank you for loving us and praying for us.  We feel it...we really do. 

No matter what...He never leaves me

This week has been a rough week. A rough, rough week.I found myself yesterday crying out to a friend that I was overwhelmed and feeling incredibly anxious.  This same friend had told me a trick she used in times like this and so I told her I was using it...I was breathing in the word "Abba" and breathing out the word "Father".  ABBA........FATHER.....ABBA....FATHER.  You see life happens and the world doesn't stop spinning just because we need it to for a minute.  Life caught up to me this week...the first medical bill came in, some battles with one of our kiddos, two Veterans Day programs for me to put on this week, holiday concerts coming up in just 3 school weeks and we haven't even learned all of the songs because I've missed school, anticipation and worry over the doctor's appointment this week where we are to find out some answers (oh please let us find out some answers)...and some other things I won't mention burdening me...I am not complaining or whining (at least I'm trying not to)...but yesterday it just came crashing out at me.  I was grouchy with students, with my family, with staff and had to go back and apologize multiple times.  I got in the car yesterday after school and had to run some errands, only to find that the eyedrops that Phil needed because he was completely out hadn't been called in to the pharmacy yet and the tears welled up.  And then this song came on...this song that brought me through some dark days in my own pain journey from the not so distant past.  This song was near and dear to me in my 12 year pain journey...I would play it on the piano and sing...and I would meet Jesus there.  It was one of the songs that I would sing and KNOW that God heard me, was with me and would not leave me in the middle of the storms of life. The whole song is good...but here are a few words that stuck out to me:  song is Meredith Andrews "After All"

"After all, you are constant. After all...You are only good. After all...you are sovereign. Not for a moment will you forsake me."

"Every step, every breath... You are there. Every tear, every cry, every prayer. In my heart, at my worst, when my world falls down... Not for a moment, will you forsake me. Even in the dark. Even when it's hard, you will never leave me."

ABBA....FATHER....ABBA....FATHER

It's going to be okay. I've got you.  Hold onto me."  Those were the words that I "heard" Him speak to me.  This doctor's appointment is a big one tomorrow.  We hope we get some answers and that makes us so anxious.  Will they be the answers we want desperately...no surgery???  Or will we face doing this all over again in the same eye and then still have the "good" eye to do later.  And when I think about it, I feel the anxiousness set in...how will Phil do this again (if he needs to)?  How will get through more of this?  When will it all end?  And I feel tears come to my eyes and my body completely tense up and my teeth clench...and then I remind myself to breathe..He is with us.  He will not forsake us.  EVEN IN THE DARK (which has multiple meaning for us), even when it's hard...He is NOT going to leave us.  And no matter what happens He will help us to find ways to praise Him and give Him all of the glory and honor in the way it unfolds.  So thankful for a faith that we know we aren't alone in this.  We may feel alone at times, but we never are....

So whatever answers the appointment holds tomorrow...we'll keep breathing...

ABBA...FATHER...ABBA...FATHER.     

Amen.

A few answers...and a few question marks

Another long afternoon in the doctor's office.  I don't think I've mentioned before that the average appointment time is 2-3 hours, so when we go, I take things to do!

After the normal routine of a round of eyedrops in BOTH eyes for dilation in the waiting room, Phil went back for more drops and an eye exam.  Two weeks ago when they tested his bad eye, he could see movement  and shapes but mostly just a blurry mess.  Today he could see actual THINGS...like her two fingers held up and part of the eye chart!  Woo hoo!  Definite progress.  When he came out from that portion of the appointment, he put the eye patch in my bag and said he was D.O.N.E. with it and told me the good news of seeing things.  And then we waited and waited some more...

The next time he goes back is for the doctor exam, so I go back with him.  He thoroughly looks at both eyes, takes notes, looks again, and then uses an instrument to "push around" in his good eye seeing how the laser surgery went.   The news Phil has been waiting for...on Thursday morning, he will be allowed to be upright and use his eyes again!!!!!!! He can sit up and watch tv or read or do whatever! Woo hoo!!!!  His upside down exercises are over as well. He will need to sleep on his left side only at this point, but he is THRILLED to get off of his stomach in the morning! 

Then the part that wasn't quite as exciting...He is not allowed to return to work at this point.  They still want him to be more stable and not over-do things with his eye, so he must be off longer.  He wants to go back to work so desperately.    He also isn't allowed a lot of physical activity...definitely no exercising.  The "bad" eye still has fluid in the retinal area, which normally is gone by now.  The doctor is hopeful that is is just taking a long time to heal because of how badly it was detached.    The "good" eye...he didn't come right out and say that the laser surgery was or wasn't successful...but he did say that the laser surgery "bought us some time" to see what the bad eye is going to do.  We are taking that to mean, that he will need the full fledge surgery (followed by face down) for the "good" eye as well.  We both interpreted it that way at least.    He was much better at talking to us today and answering questions and we didn't feel as rushed.  At the end of the appointment he told us that next week we are to come back and at that point, he will make a firm decision of what is next for both eyes.  Worst case scenario is having surgery on the bad eye again to drain the fluid that is hanging around, plus still have to do the full surgery on the good eye.   He really doesn't want to do the surgery on the same eye again, which he said is why he has continued to give it "one more week" for awhile.  But he said at this point in the recovery a decision needs to be made as the healing will be very far along.  He seemed hopeful that a re-surgery (my made up word) will not take place, but isn't ruling it out either.  We go next Thursday afternoon where we have been told there will be more definite answers given.  We had hoped for those today, but at the same time...at least he has told us when we WILL have more information. 

We have few answers, but a few good ones.   For that we rejoice and praise God!  We were able to relax, laugh and joke on the way home tonight.  We are anxious to have our normal completely back and it has been a long journey already, with a ways to go it sounds like...Here are my prayer requests for this week:
1. Pray that Phil doesn't over-do it.  He is anxious to be back to normal, but I worry he will do too much and end up doing damage.
2. Pray for ME to have patience with him as I encourage him to continue to take it easy and to speak in love when reminding him that he still has restrictions. (smile)
3. Pray for continued healing in his eyes.  We KNOW that God can heal him in this week before we go back, but we also know it may not be His will...Help us to rest in His plan.

We are so blessed by all of those praying for us, checking in with us and loving on us.  God is good...All the time! And all the time....God is good!