Whispers I hear...

 This week was the calm after the storm of the previous week.  There are always speed bumps and U-turns in the week, but for the most part it was relatively calm. Things went as expected...which was great...

But...you knew it was coming right?  It's not a bad "but", but there is one.  I'm gearing up for something outside my comfort zone next week. I'm presenting a presentation that I am passionate about on a platform far bigger than I am used to...to an audience that has more years of experience, more articles written, more pedigree (as in Doctorates), and more knowledge than I can even imagine.  And as the reality grows nearer, I have heard whispers of:

*You're not good enough.

*You're out of your league.

*Who do you think you are?

*You are a peon compared to the other presenters.

*This is your 3rd year in your job and only a year out from your degree--you're not qualified.

*What if you fail?

*What do you truly have to offer?

*Will anyone even show up?

*What were you thinking when you applied for this?

And I can't say that I've defeated those thoughts and whispers...they keep creeping back in, but as I've prayed about it, as I've listened to those people I trust both in and out of my profession, as I've tried to take the time to breathe and not panic...I've also heard whispers that I believe God is whispering to me. God has been whispering:

*I will provide for you and I am enough, even if you don't feel that you are.

*You have something to offer.

*I have given you a passion for this for a reason and you MUST use it.

*You are a child of God...THAT is who you are!!!!

*You may be a newbie, but I am working in you to bring a fresh view and perspective.

*If you fail...who cares, you'll never see those people again (I mean, God does have humor, right?)

*I have called you to this and if only 1 person attends...that is who needs to hear your message.

*No matter what, I've got you and have something to teach you in this process.

*I will not leave you alone, but will stand with you in your passion for helping others.

So...am I nervous still? I sure am.  But this week I've grown EXCITED!!!! I love learning. I love teaching. I love my job and my students.  I have a heart for those that I'm speaking about and I have a hope and vision for the change that I want to see.  How could I not be excited to share all of that, whether it be with 1 person or with 100+ persons (gulp)?  God will use me somehow. HE will be enough. He will be present. And He will be glorified in my obedience and passion to love like Jesus loves. I'm wondering where God is waiting to use YOU...what is He whispering to you? What is he asking you to trust Him with?  Are you willing to listen to His whispers or the lies of the enemy?

P.S. If you are a pray-er...feel free to send some my way. I'll be presenting on Saturday, April 1 (no joke) and I can't wait to see what God does through me.

He always shows up

 It was a week. A week of highs and lows. Tears and joys. Laughter and contemplation. And this morning I woke up feeling exhausted, even after a full 10 hours sleep. My body hurts. My head hurts. From tension, stress, and exhaustion, both physical and mental. We all have weeks like that. Honestly I forgot to look for joy this week. It was there. I'm sure it was. And I thought I would write about something else, but I feel like the Lord is telling me to slow my roll. Stop and look for me. (God might not say to slow my roll...but you get the idea). So, let me reflect a little. With the nature of some of my highs and lows, they aren't all shareable, but God showed up. In every one of them. So where was God this week that ended with exhaustion?

He was there when I am thanked by a parent for college/academic advice.

He was there in the laughter with my co-workers...so much laughter you guys. As challenging as my job can be as a school counselor, I laugh so much...sometimes to the point of tears. 

He was there with sweet faith conversations with my teenager where I'm watching her grow and search for her own faith.

He was there when I had a "situation" and my co-worker friends brought me lunch, hugs, and prayers of support.

He was there to temper my tongue when my frustration was ready to turn un-Godly.

He was there in the student that had to find me before she left early from school to give me a hug and say good-bye.

He was there when another "situation" had me doubting myself and my abilities...and my administrators gave me the words of affirmation and encouragement that meant so much.

He was there after an extremely full morning of students with me falling over laughing on my good friend and co-workers office couch and then sending memes that matched it.

He was there as I watched my daughter win mental attitude of her baseketball team and tears were on both of our faces even though most people don't realize how much that award means.

He was there in the hugs when I needed them.

He was there in my daily workouts that even when I didn't want to do...I felt great afterwards.

He was there when my teen and I blasted the radio and sang and danced our way home from school.

He was there when I finally got to have coffee with my bestie and chat about hard things, silly things, and catch up on life in general.

He was there in the concern of a student that asked co-workers to make sure I was okay and see if he could do anything...and then made up a card for me.

He was there...not for a moment did He leave me. Sometimes the hard and long weeks are the weeks that God's presence is felt the most. So tonight...I'm still tired, even after a nap, but I am blessed that God not only continues to show up, but continues to show up, even when I'm not seeking Him out like I should. I would love to hear how God showed up for you this week. And if you just didn't feel or see him...let me know that too and I'll pray for you...for you to feel His presence and see His goodness because I believe He is always there.  

God Bless you on this day and throughout the week.

Feeling the feelings

 In my work as a school counselor, I am one to draw out the feelings of others, or help students analyze situations, to "deal with" them. I have a student that I see on a semi-regular basis and she challenged me with a question that I've been pondering myself.

    "If I have to feel the feelings to move through them...how do I do that? What does it look like?"

As I said, "That'a great question" and stalled...I realized that we are all really good at stuffing our feelings down and putting them off. I am just as good at it as others. Then when we talk about how we need to sit in our feelings to move through them...we wonder how on earth that is feasible. AND why would we want to do that?  Why would I want to do that??? If we are hurting, or angry, or frustrated, or mad, or sad...those don't feel good.  Those are the feelings we shove down. It is easy to feel all the feelings when they are joy-filled, happy, peaceful, exciting, or loving. As a society we show all of those and people share in the emotions with us.  But what happens when we hit a wall and are feeling those yucky feelings? We close off because the world doesn't always want us to express them, to be honest about them, to sit in those states because it might "bring someone else down" or not fit into the timeline that we think they should.  Even in examples like losing someone we love...life moves on. People move on, but not everyone moves at the same speed.  Some of us get stuck and don't know how to "move through" the feelings.  

Society tends to say through well-meaning friends:

        *Cheer up.         *It will get better.         *You have to move on. 

                *You can't change it so get over it.             *Don't be sad.        *You need to let it go.

Like I said., all well intentioned messages and not meant to hurt in any way...but they aren't helping. We aren't teaching people HOW to move through emotions. How to feel them and not just feel them but to sit in them, experience them, analyze them, ponder what they mean, and dig in to HEAL from them.

Even with my training. I feel so challenged by this in my own life.  I help others do this and know it is valuable. Yet, personally,  I don't want to take the time, or I don't have the time. Or the time that I do have, I don't want to be sitting in the hurt or the "negative" emotions. I want to be enjoying life, relaxing, laughing, resting.  Feeling the feelings is hard work. Hard. Hard. Work.  It is hard work that I help people do nearly every day...and yet still struggle to do myself. Would it be any easier if society shifted it's narrative and was more accepting of all of those feelings, if we didn't hide it from others? Perhaps. I honestly don't know.  It will be hard either way because there isn't a way to go around the feelings. They always catch up, don't they?

I don't have a cozy, cute way to end this because it's honestly all still swimming aorund in my brain. I don't have the answers. But I know that I will continue the conversation and I will continue to help people feel the feelings...and maybe someday I'll get to my own (smile).

Feelings aren't bad. Maybe we just need permission to feel all the feelings?  For what it is worth...I give you permission. Sit in them. Feel them. Let the tears fall.  The praises ring. The laughter echo.  All of it.  Feel them.  In them there is healing. 

Continuing the joy search

 * Finding snippets of time to read

* A surprise hug in the hall from a student

* Using my microphone for interviews at school

* Friends that check to make sure I make it home safely

* A friend that EXUDES joy over the snowfall and shares a selfie of said joy

*Productive meetings with what is best for students in mind

* Seeing the potholes BEFORE hitting them

* A sunrise under a shelf of clouds

* New workouts that challenge me and make me S.O.R.E.

* Sunshine

* Chatting with students about their futures...big dreams and I love to encourage!

* Being able to stay in bed for 36 hours straight and SLEEP when I was sick

* College basketball...I love MARCH!!!

* Judging FFA events for the 1st time. Out of my comfort zone but so fun!

* Lunch with some of my besties watching the Purdue game (with a little yelling)

* Snow glistening in the trees (even if I'm totally ready for Spring!)

* Working out after 3 days off

* Memes. I said it before, but it must be mentioned again

* A new-to-me podcast series

* Playing the piano

* Coffee--ALL of the coffee

* Heated seats on cold days

* Weekends

Finding God and JOY in the daily...

As I've continued to read and look for fun, I decided to log a few things that I found especially joyful or God-filled this week.  

* Laughter with co-workers after a tough meeting

* A "higher-up" showing compassion to a hurting colleague

* An extra cup of coffee, just because

* Joy in small things...like a presentation clicker

* A student who stopped by just to see how MY day was going

* An unexpected update on a former student that warmed my heart

* Laughter with co-workers...yes this is a theme. We laugh a lot!

* A gorgeous sunset on the drive home after a long day

* Text messages at just the right time

* Memes...so many memes that just nail it!

* Former student stopping to see how I was doing

* A scripture that popped up multiple times in one day that I really needed

* Podcasts, even when listened to in 5 minute increments

* My non-cuddly cat coming to snuggle with me

* Jamming out with my teen on the drive to and from school

* A hot bath to relax muscles

* Watching Golden Girls...because...CLASSIC!

* Running into a former colleague and catching up after years

* Getting a hug from a long ago elementary student who is grown and on her own

* True crime conversations with co-workers

* Friday order-out lunches

* 6 Word Memoirs (if you know, you know)

* Working after everyone is gone and it is QUIET. So quiet.

Still trying to find the joy in this weather though (smile).

Where did you find glimpses of joy and God??