Peaks and Valleys

So earlier this week, I posted about my hope being in the Lord and not these shots and just really sounded like I have it all together, right?  Ha!  Last weekend at this time I was full of hope and it was easy to "say" it was all in the Lord and not the shots...I was coming off of the shots inflammation and really took it easy all weekend long...had the day off on Monday, plus 3 delays this week...and yes, my pain is increasing again, in fact the last 3 days have been quite a bit worse again...as in the pain before the shots.  So...I started slipping into the valley again...knowing that God is with me, but not feeling it and definitely not feeling that He is in control (yes, I know it in my brain, but I'm just not "feeling it"). Every now and then I get like this and then I get super stubborn...as in I scrapbooked for nearly 7 hours last night...I ran the fastest 2 miles that I have run in a really long time this morning...I swept the house and cleaned this morning...Some may see this stubborness as going against the healing process and maybe it is (although I honestly don't think so)...I think it is me trying to take charge again and REFUSING to just sit back and let life pass me continually by for 7.5 years.  I simply can't do it...and let's be honest...me taking it easy day after day after day isn't helping...so I push through the pain and I live "normally" for a few days...it helps me feel stronger emotionally until I can trust fully in the fact that God is taking care of me...and I do know that He is...I will not be consumed!

Swarming Thoughts

I must confess that I have several blogs swarming in my head...lacking motivation to really process those things and get them out. But I thought I would take a few minutes and just spew out some of my thoughts...
Two weeks ago I went back to my "shot doctor" with no improvement in my neck from my January round of shots...in fact, the pain had gotten worse.  Expecting him to tell me that it would take a couple of rounds of the shots and not be surprised at my lack of progress...I was devastated to see his face show disappointment, confusion and uncertainty.  The devastation continued as he explained to me that he really didn't know what to do...that he could try one more thing (shots while undergoing x-rays)...but that after that, he had nothing left in his pocket of tricks and thought he should send me on to a specialist friend in Indy that does surgical spinal fusions...I held it together (for the most part) in his office but he knew I was on the verge of a meltdown and encouraged me to not drive until I was emotionally secure.  To describe my feelings after that visit is difficult...devastated, disappointed, lacking hope...I was a mess.  We set up an appointment for me to have shots done with x-rays...that was last week on Wednesday.   I am blessed to have had so many praying for me and for me studying scripture on fear...because it was very rough.  Started out with 15 numbing shots (only numbing the skin area) and then 40+ shots of the medicine.  He would insert the needles and begin to shoot in the medicine, then take out the needle, x-ray to see if it was going in the right spot, then re-insert the needle to finish off the medicine.  It was pretty miserable but I honestly felt calm the entire time.  Thank you God for that peace!  So...now I wait.  It can take 3-4 weeks for the meds to reach their full affect.  Interesting that the sermon series at church has gone right along with that.  I have sooo many thoughts on that but a few of them are:  Abraham and Sarah waited 25 years to have a child of their own after being promised by God...25 years and yet they remained faithful.  My 7.5 years is looking pretty small, huh?  Also, Abraham and Sarah tried to fix things on their own, bargain with God, and laughed at God....wow...I don't know about you but I see myself in that...trying to do things on my own, making deals...laughing at God's plan or questioning it and getting angry.  Then after God "comes through" for them and gives them a son...he asks Abraham to sacrifice that son for HIM.  Whoa...I pray that when I am healed he doesn't test me quite like that...but you know what?  He remains faithful...just as he did for Abraham and Sarah.  He provided a way out and He will do that for me too. I think I'm totally rambling and it may not make any sense to anyone but me, but that's okay.  HE is faithful, loving and taking care of me...I just forget to rely on it.  He has sustained me and will continue to...I KNOW that!  I pray that it involves healing and soon...but I have HOPE in Christ.  My hope right now can't be based on the shots and what they will do...my hope is in Jesus Christ!!!  I am trying desparately to cling to that, as well as not fear all of the future un-knowns about what could happen if these shots don't work...Do I want surgery? NO!  Not at all...but again...He is faithful and His plan is perfect for me...we'll see what He has in His plans for me...but I will try to be faithful while I wait.

Learning to be a Servant

This year at our church, a new "youth group" for 5th & 6th graders has started up, "Junction 56".  This has been an incredible experience for Brock and I have watched him stretch and grow in his faith.  This is not to say that we don't have issues...trust me, we still have issues! HA!  But it is cool to have conversations with him that are "grown-up" and show that he is learning to see the world through a more Christ-centered focus. A few weeks ago, Junction 56 took a road trip for their Sunday evening adventure. They drove to a nearby town to serve dinner at a rescue mission. They were told to simply serve with a glad heart and do whatever was asked of them.  As they loaded up the kids were a bit apprehensive, but when they got back...they had lots to tell and it was neat to hear how they had served and truly served with a cheerful heart. Here, Brock (on the right), awaits guests in the serving line. 

At home, we have only recently learned to take our plates to the sink without grumbling...and it's usually not with too much of a servant's heart...But this picture shows what he chose to do much of the night, including while his fellow workers were allowed to eat the leftovers...he wanted to keep working (he did get food...don't worry).  He loved drying the dishes and working in the kitchen!  Go figure!  I'm so thankful for Junction 56 and the excitement it is building in his life.  Our oldest is growing up and although we still have issues...I love the changes I'm seeing in his heart.

Mr. and Mrs.

The long awaited post of the wedding day..You must know how many pictures that I have that I simply didn't have space to share...I'm telling you that these two don't take bad pictures and the memory that comes with each one is such a blessing to me.  Here would be the groom, Joel...if you look closely you can tell that he had been crying...BEFORE even being able to see Katie coming. Good thing "someone" had a kleenex for you huh Joel? :) But in honesty, this made me cry because I knew at that moment how much he loved and cherished her (I knew before...but it really hit me then).  Take care of her Joel.

Saying their vows...Joel was choked up and Katie...she was laughing and if you know her, this doesn't surprise you at all! And of course made me tear up even more...are you seeing a theme here? HA!  I tear up easily when it comes to those I love!

They did unity sand instead of a candle and the sand was actually in large shells that they then poured together.

And it's official...You may kiss the bride!

Family Picture...my cousin Ryan and his son Caden, Joel and Katie and my Aunt Deb and Uncle Dee.

I can hear the photographer getting them to do different poses as I see these pictures and have to laugh...they were both so willing to do whatever she asked.  What a good sport Joel is!

The first dance as husband and wife at the reception...at the resort, still on the beach :)

Kelly (maid of honor) enjoyed herself quite a bit at the reception and even did some dancing with Uncle Dee...oh my, was she hilarious!  She kept us laughing the whole time!

The bridal party.  Love the colors with the beach/ocean background.

Oh my word...look at all that seafood!  Yes, that is actually a boatful of seafood...I actually even tried some different things and didn't hate them...I figured I would never order something like that and waste the money so I better try it while I had the chance.  Aunt Deb...not quite so daring...she had some crackers the oranges that were used for garnish! HA!  These were just the apptetizers...then the main meal was chicken, potatoes, veggies, fresh fruit etc...yummo!

Kelly giving her 3rd or 4th or 5th maid of honor speech of the night for Katie.

Mr. and Mrs. (with Katie's bouquet)

What a wonderful time...I wish I could go detail by detail of it...will have to do more of that when I scrapbook it...but it was a time that I will never forget. Thanks Phil for keeping the kids so that Mom and I could go down for this.  You have no idea how much it meant to me to be there.  Congrats Katie and Joel!

Florida, Part 2

So, we head off for our 2+ hour drive on January 1 from Fort Lauderdale to Islamorada (in the Keys).  Yes, we used airconditioning and wore sunglasses the entire drive! We found the resort where the wedding was first and met up with my cousin Katie, and family there.  Katie treated us to lunch...that we ordered 3 times because our waiter couldn't remember what we ordered! Yikes!

As Katie was signing for the bill, she realized it would be the last time that she signed her name this way...the next time would be with her new name!  So, of course we had to capture that!

After lunch, Mom and I decided to hurry down and check into our hotel for the night and get ready for the wedding.  It was a very quick turn-around at the hotel and right back on the road back to the resort (about 25-30 minutes away)!  We discovered when we stopped for lunch that it was very breezy off the ocean and that we'd need a sweater and I would need my hair pulled back.

Again, we met up in the bride's room for a few pictures and to see her before the ceremony.  Here's my beautiful aunt and mom...can't tell they are sisters can ya?

This is the view from my cousin's room at the resort...ahhhhhh

Quick snap-shot of the beautiful bride and I before the walk down the aisle, er...the beach!  This is my sweet, sweet cousin that I love so much!  She has been like a sister to me growing up and was maid of honor in my wedding (at the age of 16).  Just seeing her in her wedding dress brought tears to my eyes...sooo beautiful!

This was the view "down the aisle" at the wedding.

As I sit here tonight, a blizzard raging outside my window...I'm pining to be back on Islamorada feeling "cold" because of the breeze off of the ocean!  I'll cuddle on the couch instead with my memories!  More to come in part 3, Mr. and Mrs.!  stay tuned...