No matter what...He never leaves me

This week has been a rough week. A rough, rough week.I found myself yesterday crying out to a friend that I was overwhelmed and feeling incredibly anxious.  This same friend had told me a trick she used in times like this and so I told her I was using it...I was breathing in the word "Abba" and breathing out the word "Father".  ABBA........FATHER.....ABBA....FATHER.  You see life happens and the world doesn't stop spinning just because we need it to for a minute.  Life caught up to me this week...the first medical bill came in, some battles with one of our kiddos, two Veterans Day programs for me to put on this week, holiday concerts coming up in just 3 school weeks and we haven't even learned all of the songs because I've missed school, anticipation and worry over the doctor's appointment this week where we are to find out some answers (oh please let us find out some answers)...and some other things I won't mention burdening me...I am not complaining or whining (at least I'm trying not to)...but yesterday it just came crashing out at me.  I was grouchy with students, with my family, with staff and had to go back and apologize multiple times.  I got in the car yesterday after school and had to run some errands, only to find that the eyedrops that Phil needed because he was completely out hadn't been called in to the pharmacy yet and the tears welled up.  And then this song came on...this song that brought me through some dark days in my own pain journey from the not so distant past.  This song was near and dear to me in my 12 year pain journey...I would play it on the piano and sing...and I would meet Jesus there.  It was one of the songs that I would sing and KNOW that God heard me, was with me and would not leave me in the middle of the storms of life. The whole song is good...but here are a few words that stuck out to me:  song is Meredith Andrews "After All"

"After all, you are constant. After all...You are only good. After all...you are sovereign. Not for a moment will you forsake me."

"Every step, every breath... You are there. Every tear, every cry, every prayer. In my heart, at my worst, when my world falls down... Not for a moment, will you forsake me. Even in the dark. Even when it's hard, you will never leave me."

ABBA....FATHER....ABBA....FATHER

It's going to be okay. I've got you.  Hold onto me."  Those were the words that I "heard" Him speak to me.  This doctor's appointment is a big one tomorrow.  We hope we get some answers and that makes us so anxious.  Will they be the answers we want desperately...no surgery???  Or will we face doing this all over again in the same eye and then still have the "good" eye to do later.  And when I think about it, I feel the anxiousness set in...how will Phil do this again (if he needs to)?  How will get through more of this?  When will it all end?  And I feel tears come to my eyes and my body completely tense up and my teeth clench...and then I remind myself to breathe..He is with us.  He will not forsake us.  EVEN IN THE DARK (which has multiple meaning for us), even when it's hard...He is NOT going to leave us.  And no matter what happens He will help us to find ways to praise Him and give Him all of the glory and honor in the way it unfolds.  So thankful for a faith that we know we aren't alone in this.  We may feel alone at times, but we never are....

So whatever answers the appointment holds tomorrow...we'll keep breathing...

ABBA...FATHER...ABBA...FATHER.     

Amen.