Not for a Moment

Today, I'm struggling.  I have been a positive, giving the Glory to God through the pain kind of gal for the last 5 weeks.  I really have.  I have focused on my blessings and the hope of finding healing.  I was so proud of myself and how "well" I was doing emotionally and spiritually through this long journey of pain.  Then yesterday afternoon I found myself sinking and sinking.  By this morning I had a few tears and just a weariness come over me.  Being in pain while fighting the good fight and continuing to function normally has worn me down. I knew it would. It always does.  You see...I knew this would happen. It's part of "the cycle".  I am strong and mighty and positive through the pain and then I crash for a few days.  I cry, feel sorry for myself, wonder "why me?" and long to be the normal me again.  I wonder why I am not being healed?  I am back to taking quite a bit of tylenol or ibuprofen every day to get through my day.  I am sitting here, hurting and wanting to crawl in bed under the covers and hide for a few days until I come out of this funk I'm in.  Because I know I will...I know I will get through this and I know that I will once again be able to be positive and have hope again.  I always cycle back to it with God's help. The weird thing about the cycle is that it isn't always related to worse pain days at my low points.  It's just going through every day in pain wears on me to a point that I simply can't take it anymore and I crash.  Again, God amazes me in that as we went to do devotions with the kids tonight we were reading Psalm 143.  I won't write it all out here, but it hit me right where I was in talking about crying out and feeling forgotten, but KNOWING that God has not left me, not even for a moment and I know He hasn't forgotten me.  I wish He would heal me this instant...oh how I wish that...but I know that He is with me and giving me strength for this moment, and then the next, and then the next.  As my mind was churning over Psalm 143, my mind instantly went to this song by Meredith Andrews called "Not for a Moment (After All)".  The entire song speaks to me, but I just pulled out the last section of the song and copied it below.  Before this particular part the song talks about God being there when we can't see, hear or feel Him near.

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me

And every step, every breath you are there
Every tear, every cry, every prayer
In my heart, at my worst,
When my world falls down
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Even in the dark
Even when it's hard
You will never leave me
After all

Yep...I feel like it's dark right now in my cycle of emotions...but He never leaves me and He hears every cry and prayer.  And He'll never leave me or forsake me.  Thank you God for this moment, and the next, and the next...