Peaks and Valleys

So earlier this week, I posted about my hope being in the Lord and not these shots and just really sounded like I have it all together, right?  Ha!  Last weekend at this time I was full of hope and it was easy to "say" it was all in the Lord and not the shots...I was coming off of the shots inflammation and really took it easy all weekend long...had the day off on Monday, plus 3 delays this week...and yes, my pain is increasing again, in fact the last 3 days have been quite a bit worse again...as in the pain before the shots.  So...I started slipping into the valley again...knowing that God is with me, but not feeling it and definitely not feeling that He is in control (yes, I know it in my brain, but I'm just not "feeling it"). Every now and then I get like this and then I get super stubborn...as in I scrapbooked for nearly 7 hours last night...I ran the fastest 2 miles that I have run in a really long time this morning...I swept the house and cleaned this morning...Some may see this stubborness as going against the healing process and maybe it is (although I honestly don't think so)...I think it is me trying to take charge again and REFUSING to just sit back and let life pass me continually by for 7.5 years.  I simply can't do it...and let's be honest...me taking it easy day after day after day isn't helping...so I push through the pain and I live "normally" for a few days...it helps me feel stronger emotionally until I can trust fully in the fact that God is taking care of me...and I do know that He is...I will not be consumed!