Hope-FULL news

Many of you who read this already know the reports from my newest doctor this week...I have a shoulder injury in addition to the neck issue that continues. I am now seeking treatment for the shoulder injury and will be visiting yet another specialist for my neck problems...But I want to share the deeper parts of how God orchestrated these last couple of events. As I talk about a variety of doctors I will try to make it clear who said what.  The spine specialist had me get an MRI of the shoulder and sent me to get trigger point injections in my neck.  From the MRI of the shoulder, spine doctor sent me to an orthopedic doctor....BUT, when they called to tell me they were referring me to the ortho doc, they told me I could choose who I wanted.  I found out who was covered under my plan and then decided on a doctor that was recommended to me by a recently re-newed friend who works in the surgery dept of a hospital.  When I called to tell the spine doctor who I wanted, I was treating rudely and told that they didn't "want to refer me to someone other than their usual doctors".  After adamantly insisting that she told me I could choose who I wanted, she told me she would see what the doc said. I questioned my choice in this doctor and worried about it all day and evening.  I was telling Phil about it when I got home and we were trying to decide if we should switch to who they wanted me to see.  As we were discussing this, I started to glance through our local paper...in the middle of our discussion I scanned an article about someone who severed tendons in his foot and should have lost his foot...but a great orthopedic doctor was called in and he saved the foot and the guy was now running mini-marathons 8 months later....guess who the doctor was?  Yep, the one I had CHOSEN.  If that wasn't a big enough sign from God, then there was a big ad on the back page of the paper for this SAME doctor.  Thank you Jesus for making it clear.  So, I had to call back and was again treated rudely by the spine specialists office, but told her I wanted the appointment made sooner rather than later and that I would continue to call until it was made. (Why do we have to force service???)  So, I visited this doctor this week...Can I just say that this was truly who God wanted me to see.  Did he solve my problems, no, but Wow...I was amazed with him.  I LOVED him.  He cared. He got it. He wanted me to be fixed.  He was sorry that my shoulder/neck injuries were separate and that he couldn't fix it all. He listened to me...really listened and I sat there thinking...This is the first specialist in 6 years to get it.  He gets that I'm too young for all of this pain that I have.  He gave me HOPE for a future without pain.  As a Christian, I know that I have HOPE in the Lord always, but he gave me hope for my physical pain simply by caring.  So, he (ortho doc) is sending me on to a pain specialist. He claims that this guy does NOT like not finding the cause of pain and fixing it.  He is determined, stubborn and won't give up...a bit like me?  So, will this guy have the answer?  I honestly don't know...but for right now...I have hope...God was in this...in what doctor I would see and the treatment I am seeking in my shoulder...in the support of those around me.  Hope...it feels good.

What if?

FEAR...that has been a word that has been on my mind lately.  Not the hide under-the-covers from the dark kind of fear...or maybe it is in a way.  My fear has been catapulted by the what-ifs in my life right now.  Today I had lots of what-if kind of thoughts racing in my mind and I realized that they have been lurking for awhile now.  Some of the what-ifs have answers already but they still are with me...some don't have answers but will...some I may never know.  Here are a few of my what-ifs...lately they are almost ALL about my neck pain and the questions of healing.
What if....
...the physical therapy doesn't work for me?  (it didn't by the way)
...the MRI and xrays show nothing wrong with me?
...no one can figure it out?
...I continue to get worse as the last few weeks have?
...my children only remember me as being in pain and unable to be normal?
...my husband/family resent my inability to be normal?
...I gain all of my weight back because I can't exercise like I want?
...I always have pain...for the rest of my life?
...the spine specialist just thinks that I am crazy?
...I become unable to do my job?
...everyone gives up on me?
...it comes time to give up on healing?
...I seriously have to live with this until heaven?
...the episodes at school get worse and I can't hide it from the students?
...The list goes on and on and on...

But what I do know (notice I know and not just wonder like all of the above statements) is that God is working IN me and THROUGH me during this whole process.  Once I let go a little and asked God what He wanted me to learn through this, He began teaching me and helping me to realize that I am a normal Christian going through a trial.  It's okay to have struggles and wonder why it's all happening.  Time after time in the Bible I have been reading of such times that great men of God reacted much like I have.  And in those stories that I am reading, I am finding how God wants me to react and what He wants me to learn about relying on Him, trusting in Him and KNOWING that HE is in control at all times.  There will always be what-ifs in our lives...I have no doubt of that, but in this time of waiting to find out the answers, I am slowly learning to rely on His strength for each day.  Satan would love for me to believe the many lies he has pointed in my directins, but I will remain in the TRUTH (Bible) so that the lies are meaningless. So..what if, every time I had a what-if moment, I searched my mind for scripture to calm me?  Hmmm...that's a whole different round of what-ifs isn't it?

Future Olympians

The boys have been watching the Olympics and especially like the snow sports of skiing, snowboarding and the biathalon which is skiing and shooting.  They went out to play this afternoon before Grandma left for the evening.  As she was going to leave she noticed Grant practicing his own Olympics and shortly after that, Brock joined him in his training, right here on our very own front yard hill. Too cute!

I just love my boys!

Little bug...not Humpty Dumpty?

This is the face that greeted me at the door this afternoon!   I thought that it was marker until I got closer to her.  She loves the story of Humpty Dumpty and makes Grandma read it to her over and over and over.  But...apparently she likes it too much!  Just what is Grandma teaching her while I'm at work? Ha!

Kiara was carrying around a plastic kitchen funnel...apparently she tripped (or had a great fall) and this was the end result after she landed on it.  Ouch!  Doesn't seem to bother her, but it sure looks nasty.

Living on the edge

Our little bug is into EVERYTHING...I'm telling you she is a stinker and is super sneaky...or in my old age she just gets more past me than the boys did.  Anyway...she loves to "help" empty and fill the dryer when doing laundry.  She recently found the button that shuts the light on and off and so she stands and plays with that while we put in laundry.  Well, yesterday, one of the boys was getting clothes out of the dryer and walked away for a second with the dryer open...literally a split second later, this is what we saw....

She is a stinker, but we love her...Of course, she was mad when we took her out and she wanted back in.  Hope she loves doing laundry this much when she is older! HA!

For those not on facebook...

As many of you who are close to me know, the past few weeks and months have been very trying with a lot of neck pain again. I have had all emotions from discouragement to depression to anger at God to desperation to…peace and all of them over again! I try to deal with it a lot all on my own because I don’t want to be a whiner…this resulting in some bottling up and some anger along with it. A few months back when I went back to my family doctor (also a brother in Christ from my church)…he wanted to pray for me and I wouldn’t let him. (at least not right there with me). I told him I was angry at God and although still had faith and love for Him, I just wasn’t speaking to Him that week (wow, that’s not immature is it?) HA! He told me that when I was ready…anytime that he and the other elders from our church would gladly pray for me/over me and anoint me. That was back in November…Fast forward to the last couple of weeks…The pain has gotten significantly worse yet again…I’ve been crying out to God and really have been able to “let go” at church with tears and worship for Him. Music has been a huge inspiration to me (big surprise) and I keep “finding” songs at just the right time for what I need. So, last weekend, as I’m bawling during the worship/communion time. A wonderful friend and small group member came and prayed over me…which made me cry harder. (Thanks Bill) Then my mom came and hugged me (thanks mom) and that’s when I felt God say to me that it was time…time to seek out my doctor/friend and ask him to pray over me. Whew…that was a major step for me and he knew it too. We went to the front of the church and he prayed over me and another good friend of mine joined us and she prayed as well. I just bawled and cried out to God. While good friend (thanks Chris) was praying, my doctor (did I mention he’s an elder?) Anyway…my doctor went and got some anointing oil. We talked about it and not that is magical but a symbol, etc…They then anointed me and prayed over me again. He rubbed the oil directly on “the spot” of my neck and I felt tingling going clear down my spine..seriously. I thought I was imagining it at first…the pain started easing and seemed to be disappearing in the tingling sensation…I wish that was where the story ended and that I could proclaim miraculous healing and go out and be an encouragement to others, using my suffering and story. But, the pain has come back again and it has been even worse this week…why? I don’t know. I have to admit on Monday and part of Tuesday I was a little miffed at God again…why would the tingling and ease of pain happen only to return later in the day with more intensity? I still don’t know the answer to that, but I’m not miffed anymore. Maybe it was God showing me relief as a sign to continue to trust and have faith in Him DESPITE the pain. I don’t know and this week has been miserable with resorting to taking pain meds again to function at home and school and even to sleep at times because it hurts so much. I sit here writing in tears because I want so much to be healed…But I have to submit to HIS timing, not mine. So, as a song I found (through Chris and Mindy) this week says…I’m going to keep believing and crying out to God…knowing that “It’s Going to Be Alright”.

Miracle of Life

I was just going through some pictures on my computer and found this one...

This is Kiara...when she was "younger"...as in, in utero...When we got this picture, I thought oh what a sweetie, she is going to be so cute...and then I came upon this:

Could she BE any cuter?  We had no idea how much of a sweetie and a cutie she would turn out to be...It amazes me daily to see this little girl growing up before my very eyes. I love her so much it hurts! :)