What if?

FEAR...that has been a word that has been on my mind lately.  Not the hide under-the-covers from the dark kind of fear...or maybe it is in a way.  My fear has been catapulted by the what-ifs in my life right now.  Today I had lots of what-if kind of thoughts racing in my mind and I realized that they have been lurking for awhile now.  Some of the what-ifs have answers already but they still are with me...some don't have answers but will...some I may never know.  Here are a few of my what-ifs...lately they are almost ALL about my neck pain and the questions of healing.
What if....
...the physical therapy doesn't work for me?  (it didn't by the way)
...the MRI and xrays show nothing wrong with me?
...no one can figure it out?
...I continue to get worse as the last few weeks have?
...my children only remember me as being in pain and unable to be normal?
...my husband/family resent my inability to be normal?
...I gain all of my weight back because I can't exercise like I want?
...I always have pain...for the rest of my life?
...the spine specialist just thinks that I am crazy?
...I become unable to do my job?
...everyone gives up on me?
...it comes time to give up on healing?
...I seriously have to live with this until heaven?
...the episodes at school get worse and I can't hide it from the students?
...The list goes on and on and on...

But what I do know (notice I know and not just wonder like all of the above statements) is that God is working IN me and THROUGH me during this whole process.  Once I let go a little and asked God what He wanted me to learn through this, He began teaching me and helping me to realize that I am a normal Christian going through a trial.  It's okay to have struggles and wonder why it's all happening.  Time after time in the Bible I have been reading of such times that great men of God reacted much like I have.  And in those stories that I am reading, I am finding how God wants me to react and what He wants me to learn about relying on Him, trusting in Him and KNOWING that HE is in control at all times.  There will always be what-ifs in our lives...I have no doubt of that, but in this time of waiting to find out the answers, I am slowly learning to rely on His strength for each day.  Satan would love for me to believe the many lies he has pointed in my directins, but I will remain in the TRUTH (Bible) so that the lies are meaningless. So..what if, every time I had a what-if moment, I searched my mind for scripture to calm me?  Hmmm...that's a whole different round of what-ifs isn't it?