Turn of Events...

There always seems to be some kind of turn of events...we shall see if this is a good one or not!  In an earlier post last week sometime, I had said that I was going back to the "shot doc" to probably up my medicine and that we had decided that we were at the pain management stage of my treatment and no longer seeking a cure/fix for my neck pain.  I had been filled with peace on that, which could only be God-given peace because up until this appointment I wasn't ready to "give up".  Well, at this appointment the doc and I are chatting and he is looking back through my file over the last 15 months or so.  He told me that he has a hard time giving up on a patient as well and wanted to see if there was something that he missed.  Well.......there was.  He looked back at my earlier treatments and discovered that the "cocktail" he used that I showed great signs of improvement with, were different than the treatments he had given me since January...WHAT?????????  I was speechless and so was he honestly.  He didn't know how/why he had missed that and told me that he would like to try another round of shots but that it was up to me.  I was confused as to why this all happened and chewed on the information all afternoon/evening, along with talking to a few faithful friends and hubby about it.  I decided the next day to email him and pose some questions of why this happened and how many treatments he thought it would take, etc...  I explained my frustrations with this and that the cost of the injections was a big factor for us (insurance doesn't pay and it is very expensive).  He wrote me back within a couple of hours telling me that he would like to do 2 more rounds of shots with the original cocktail of drugs and that he would do both of these procedures for FREE because it was his mistake! Wow!  Will these next shots heal me?  I don't know to be honest.  Why did it all happen this way?  Why doesn't God just heal me?  Again, I don't know.  What was pointed out to me by my friend over at "The Back Door" has been on my mind...God led me to the place where I turned to HIM and gave it over to Him and had complete peace with not being "healed" and looking for a way to manage and live with this pain. Hmmmm...coincidence?  I don't think so.  While I await these shots I continue to realize that my hope is not in these shots...my hope is in HIM who gave me the peace in the first place!  I go for round 1 of 2 shots on June 21 (Tuesday morning).  I do pray that healing comes with these shots, but I know that if it doesn't...I'll be okay and God's peace will continue in me.

Post-Fire with Slight Progress

So...it has been 6 weeks since the fire. That first week after the fire, things moved so quickly on the clean up and re-framing of the garage.  It was exciting to see changes...but for the last 5 weeks...NOTHING has been happening.  It has been frustrating beyond imaginable.  And if it is this frustrating for me, I can't imagine what my parents must be feeling.  We have had promise after promise of when they will begin. Then were told that there had to be 3 forecasted sunny days in a row (weekdays mind you) before they would work...in our area, that simply hasn't happened.  But today when going out to the house to feed/walk the sheep, we saw construction workers.  I can't tell you how excited that made me. They were doing some area set-up and bringing in their trailer today, along with doing a few small projects.  They are supposed to start on the roof tomorrow and I can't wait to see things moving!  I gaurantee we will be out there all day tomorrow!  My boys would have it no other way.  Below is a shot of the basement steps, although they are still "there", they sure don't look too safe. 

As we have been reminded time and time again...God is good and has provided for my parents (and my family).  Even in the frustrations and delays, we are truly blessed.  The picture below shows a wall hanging in my parents bedroom and I thought it was kind of neat to see the smoke/water stains meeting up with the cross and my mom's favorite psalm.

This picture is one that we took a couple days after the fire. We hadn't noticed it before.  This is a lightbulb that was in the stairway to the basement....completely melted and just hanging there.  We have been amazed at some of the sights we have seen at what fire can do and what it can't do.  My boys have been enthralled with it all.

Here is my mom's bathroom sink, which is at the farthest point in the house away from where the fire was...the soot is over the entire house.  The white shapes on the sink were where items were laying and have since been moved. DISGUSTING!

We had to get stuff out of my brother's trailer that they were using, so here we are unloading and going through stuff.  Some things were in cardboard boxes and we were sorting and putting everything in plastic totes for storage...we were a sooty, black mess by the end of it.

Here is the garage all framed in and the way it has been for 5 weeks.  We are praying that after tomorrow it will look much different...with some rafters and boards on it.

Here is part of the kitchen.  The area we are looking at actually looks down into the basement steps area.  We have to be very careful that our little bug stays back and doesn't fall.

Another angle of the garage waiting to be worked on.

All of the siding is off of the house and ready to be replaced.  The last little bit that was on was ripped off this morning while we watched!

The rafters are here! The rafters are here!  Well, they have been for a few weeks, but I'm just now posting!  We were so excited the day they were delivered and then there they have sat for weeks...again, hopefully that will all change tomorrow!

My parents have moved in with us now and are living in our basement.  So far, so good! HA!  Our kids are soooo enjoying having grandpa and grandma nearby and we are out at the farm a couple of times a day anyway because of the sheep.  Lord willing, the major work will begin tomorrow and I'll have exciting progress pictures to show.

How Old Are You?--8...nope, just 3!

Can you believe my little girl turned 3??  Where did the time go?  But, if you ask her how old she is, she will 99% of the time tell you "8". Eight is her favorite number...trust me she knows that she is 3 but grins and tells you "8" anyway.  She is such a stinker.  We celebrated her birthday a day early on Memorial Day because everyone had to work on her birthday, plus we had 2 other things that evening. So, we headed to Bob Evans for breakfast with our little family and my parents too.

After a yummy breakfast (her favorite part being the very chocolatey milk), we headed home to open presents.  She was very aware of presents this year and couldn't wait to open them. If I remember correctly she was doing a little dance because she was excited about presents.

She definitely is a spoiled little girl!  She got so many great presents.  One of her favorites is below from her aunt, uncle and cousins in PA...a DRUM that came with maracas, a recorder and a tambourine.  This girl is soooo musical like her mama and LOVES this.  We've been tempted to hide it every now and then but she has such fun playing it all!

Look out!  Wild woman on the roads! Well, we only allow her on our huge back patio with her "four-wheeler" but...you better look out...she runs over whatever is in her way!

After presents we were ready for cake and ice cream. Yummo!  She was very ready for her cake and was so incredibly excited to blow out her candle!  Here's the happy crew!

More gifts...soccer ball and notice as she is kicking the ball, she has on high-heel princess shoes from Uncle Andy and Aunt Jul???  She got four pair of them and she LOVES wearing them around and flipping them off for the next pair! She was funny as she was ploaying with her toys. She had them all out and would literally play with each thing like 30 seconds before rotating to the next toy.  Oh my...she was in heaven!

Here is our sweet 3 year old (going on 8, or maybe even 18!)!

Happy 3rd Birthday sweet Kiara!  We love you so much.  The time has gone so fast already and I know it will continue to fly. Don't grow up too fast little bug!

Living This Life

I've avoided this post for a variety of reasons, but the main one is that it seems so final.  I've been battling neck pain for going on 8 years now and have been to doctor after doctor. After the most recent battery of tests and therapy we have come to the place where it is time to stop seeking answers, stop seeking doctors, stop seeking a fix for my neck.  We are now at the place of figuring out how to go on living this life the best that I can under the circumstances of pain.  We have entered the pain managment stage that will continue for the remainder of my days.  Two weeks ago i went back to my "shot dr." after finishing my physical therapy with no results.  Actually the results were that I have strengthened my neck significantly and have more mobility because of the therapy but it has not helped the pain at all.  I still feel pain all the time and it has not decreased with therapy.  So....long story short, the doctor says he believes that it is time to focus on ways to manage the pain and make it easier to go on about my life.  This seems so final for me...after 8 years of seeking a cure, I must accept that there isn't one...that I have come to the spot in my treatment that I have to let go and realize that I will likely ALWAYS have this pain in my neck.  Some days I am not terribly limited by the pain and other days it is difficult to function...that is my future and not just my past.  That has been hard to accept.  As the doctor and I came to this conclusion though, there were no tears (much to the surprise of myself and the doc)!  I simply nodded in agreement and said "What's next?"  The doc prescribed Lyrica to me (small dose to start with).  It is a drug that is used for anti-seizures as well as fibromyalgia.  With other medications that i am on, I am limited in what I can take and must monitor the side effects very carefully.  Right now the only side effects are that I'm drowsy and dizzy. That seems to be improving after 1 1/2 weeks on it.  I go tomorrow to probably increase the dosage on it.  So far, I don't notice any relief in the pain at all...but I'm not giving up yet.  Hopefully I just need a bit higher of a dosage.  Not really excited about medication for life, but it is what it is and I will deal with it.  Now I'm just praying that this medicine works and that I don't need to try a bunch of different meds to get relief. So...that's where I'm at.  I haven't told anyone outside of my family about all of this...you are the first to know! :)  God is good even in the midst of this.  I assumed that when I reached this point (pain management) that I would be a basket-case, at my lowest of lows, and a mess...but God has brought me to a place of peace with it.  Happiness, no?  But I have His peace and that makes such a difference.  Thank you all for your prayers on this journey.  The journey isn't over, but the road has straightened a bit.

Upside Down in Seconds

As I sit here to begin journaling this post, my mind is blank...and full...all at the same time.  The thought of recounting all that happened on Sunday, May 1 makes my stomach turn, my heart ache...and rejoice in God's provisions...all at the same time.  It started out as a normal Sunday afternoon.  Some relax time/naptime for Kiara after lunch and then we had promised the boys we would go out to hunt mushrooms at Grandpa and Grandma's house in the late afternoon.  We went out around 4 and headed back to the woods.  After just a bit, Grant decided he wanted to go back up to the house to play video games, so Phil took him up there and we kept hunting.  Soon, we (my mom, Kiara, Brock and myself) heard what sounded like a crash.  We didn't think much of it, until we heard yet another crash and looked up towards the house to see a stream of smoke.  Not thinking it was anything major, we decided to head back to the house...we then heard another crash, which we realize now were all explosions, and look up toward the house to see flames shooting from the garage roof.  I simply can't tell you the terror that filled each of us as we ran through the woods to get to the lane to get up towards the house and to see those flames shooting.  I honestly can't go into the details, because I'm already crying at the memories.  The details will need to be journaled at another time when it's not so fresh.  All we could think of was Grant, Phil and my Dad who we knew to be in the house and garage. Praise God that they were all able to get out and be safe.  I still don't know all of the details of what led up to them getting to safety because I can't handle them...but I do know that God had a hand on them getting out as they were in the garage, while it was burning, trying to get stuff out.  Grant ran to safety and had to stand and watch by himself as the house burned and Phil and my Dad continued to try to save things and put themselves in danger.  In the meantime, Phil and I were each on cell phones to 911 and then to call my brother and his wife to get them there.  I know it was probably only minutes but standing watching the fire, it felt like hours til the firemen got there.  That is THE most helpless, horrifying experience I have ever felt...I could do nothing and I could see Grant, but not get to him to offer comfort.  All of the containers of gas in the garage, the new mower, my mom's jeep...all exploded and are just shells.    My parent's dog Molly, was trapped in the house and Phil had tried to go back in and get her out.  When they broke the front door to get in the house, she was behind the door and not breathing.  The paramedics did CPR on her and brought her back to life.  She is doing well.  How awesome that they would do that for a dog...one of the paramedics goes to our church and it was good to see a smiling face and have a comforting hug.  By the time we were allowed to come up the lane and around the house, there was a row of cars up and down the roads with people who had seen the smoke, or fire or heard it on a scanner and had come right away to help us, comfort us and pray for us.  That was amazing.  To see those people walking down the road and knowing how much they cared, was more than words can describe.  I think my brother and sister-in-law broke the speed barriers to get here...they came so quickly and I'm so grateful that they were there. Several of my aunts and uncles came quickly, as well as some neighbors who came to take the 6 grandkids to their house to play for the night as we dealt with things (Thanks Troy and Jennifer). The firefighters were all so kind, compassionate and patient with my parents (and all of us) as we dealt with the aftermath.  They are so underpaid and highly trained...never understood quite so much until that night.  Here is a side by side picture of Sunday, April 24 (Easter) and then one week later on Sunday, May 1...the pictures are taken from the same exact viewpoint of the backdoor.

 
The view of what is left of the garage as seen on Monday morning.

The laundry room...didn't get a great angle, but the dryer had clothes in it and the fire/pressure blew it open and charred the clothes into the dryer and some were hanging out even.

The kitchen during the clean up on Monday morning. This is even after some of the insulation had been picked up.  I didn't get great pictures of how thick that was.

The view down the hallway from the kitchen to the laundry room/back door area.

The half bath in the hallway. This WAS the medicine cabinet and sink area.  Notice the towel still hanging on the towel rack.  We were surprised at some of the things that did burn and the things that didn't burn (a whole 12 roll of toilet paper was still intact beside this vanity).

My Mom's jeep...this was in the garage at the time of the fire.  The fire department pulled it out to this spot.  My mom's purse, Bible, camera and so much more were in here.

Their new home on wheels for the time being.  Some people from our church, who happen to be the parents of one of my dearest, long-time friends, let them borrow this to live in for the time being.  We are so blessed that they are able to stay right there with their house and barn.

People have been wonderful...providing meals for my parents, sending prayers and cards, phone calls and texts, providing lodging with the motorhome, offers of vehicles to use, people pitching in to clean out the house of what we needed to salvage.  A whole crew was there on Monday all day and into the evening to help do anything necessary and I know that my parents are so grateful.  Thank you if you were one of them.  There is so much more to say, but I'm emotionally spent after writing what I have.  More details will have to follow in later posts.  There is progress being made on the house...waiting on the trusses (rafters) to arrive before anything else can be done.  Keep praying...soooo many circumstances could've changed so minutely and it would have been a much worse turnout to all of this...those will have to be in a different post too.  Things can be replaced, as hard as it is, but we could have easily lost any one of our family members that day...and we are all still here.  Thank you Jesus for your protection.

Our Little Man is Growing Up!

It doesn't seem possible, but Grant turned 9 last week!  Crazy!  He was just born wasn't he? Grant is my more relaxed, easy going one of the bunch.  He loves to play sports, but still likes to cuddle on the couch too. He enjoys life...school, sports, being outside, and playing with Brock and Kiara.  Can't believe he is entering his last year in the single digits!  Paw-Paw and Grandma came out for the special occasion and we headed off to eat out and then back for presents and cake/ice cream.  They brought a cake for Grant all the way from Pennsylvania! 

Grant was excited with his gifts...he got a lot.  From DS games to a Wimpy Kid book, to a remote control loader, to a game just like he plays at Paw-Paw's house when we visit!  He didn't know what to open and play with first! 

 

Can he blow out all 9 candles at once?  They are all spread out!  Yep...he managed to do it!

Once we cut up the cake, we had a little fun with the picture part of it.  Kiara and Brock wanted to see themselves with Grant's smile!  A little silly I think.

We love our "Little Man"!  Happy Birthday sweet boy!

Easter 2011

He is Risen!  He is Risen, indeed!  Just a few Easter pictures...we don't always ALL dress up for church. Often one or more of us are in jeans, so it was a special occasion for us to all be decked out to celebrate our Risen Savior!  We used the self-timer on the camera...didn't turn out too bad!

Our sweet blessings..Brock, Kiara and Grant

Look Mom...I have an Easter bonnet...errrrr...horse head!

We took some pics of Kiara and Mommy...this one is my favorite...us being our cheesy-smiley selves!

After church we went to my parents for lunch and then had an Easter Egg hunt.  Here they are ready to take off for the hunt.  They all had fun and Kiara would get excited every time she saw an egg...then she figured out their was candy in them and had to open every one she picked up!

Thank you Jesus...for coming, teaching us, loving us, dying for us, and giving us hope by rising again!

We serve a God who is alive!  He is Risen!