Living This Life

I've avoided this post for a variety of reasons, but the main one is that it seems so final.  I've been battling neck pain for going on 8 years now and have been to doctor after doctor. After the most recent battery of tests and therapy we have come to the place where it is time to stop seeking answers, stop seeking doctors, stop seeking a fix for my neck.  We are now at the place of figuring out how to go on living this life the best that I can under the circumstances of pain.  We have entered the pain managment stage that will continue for the remainder of my days.  Two weeks ago i went back to my "shot dr." after finishing my physical therapy with no results.  Actually the results were that I have strengthened my neck significantly and have more mobility because of the therapy but it has not helped the pain at all.  I still feel pain all the time and it has not decreased with therapy.  So....long story short, the doctor says he believes that it is time to focus on ways to manage the pain and make it easier to go on about my life.  This seems so final for me...after 8 years of seeking a cure, I must accept that there isn't one...that I have come to the spot in my treatment that I have to let go and realize that I will likely ALWAYS have this pain in my neck.  Some days I am not terribly limited by the pain and other days it is difficult to function...that is my future and not just my past.  That has been hard to accept.  As the doctor and I came to this conclusion though, there were no tears (much to the surprise of myself and the doc)!  I simply nodded in agreement and said "What's next?"  The doc prescribed Lyrica to me (small dose to start with).  It is a drug that is used for anti-seizures as well as fibromyalgia.  With other medications that i am on, I am limited in what I can take and must monitor the side effects very carefully.  Right now the only side effects are that I'm drowsy and dizzy. That seems to be improving after 1 1/2 weeks on it.  I go tomorrow to probably increase the dosage on it.  So far, I don't notice any relief in the pain at all...but I'm not giving up yet.  Hopefully I just need a bit higher of a dosage.  Not really excited about medication for life, but it is what it is and I will deal with it.  Now I'm just praying that this medicine works and that I don't need to try a bunch of different meds to get relief. So...that's where I'm at.  I haven't told anyone outside of my family about all of this...you are the first to know! :)  God is good even in the midst of this.  I assumed that when I reached this point (pain management) that I would be a basket-case, at my lowest of lows, and a mess...but God has brought me to a place of peace with it.  Happiness, no?  But I have His peace and that makes such a difference.  Thank you all for your prayers on this journey.  The journey isn't over, but the road has straightened a bit.