Anyone who knows me at least relatively well, knows that in high school, my best friend, Kiara Joy was killed in a car accident. I've written about it many times on here and in other places, so tonight isn't a re-telling of that night, what happened, etc...I just need to reflect a little on my journey this year in this last week before the anniversary. This year the dates all aligned with the same days and so for some reason this year the memories seemed a bit more vivid...even the prom dates lined up the same and as I saw pics last weekend of those going to prom, memories flooded in of that night and the last picture we had taken together. She went with a group of gals and I went with a boy...but we got pics together as it was her senior prom and we wanted something to remember it by. Then as the week went on, I would remember little things about those days as well...a silly note that she wrote me, a dumb fight we got into...a tennis match at Bremen on Thursday night that she rode with my mom to watch me at. I even remember the shirt she was wearing and the sound of her voice cheering me on...Friday I had flashbacks of our last phone conversation that night, the words that I will never forget...As I woke up yesterday I remembered the order of my day 23 years ago...SAT test first thing in the morning, tennis practice where I broke a string, the drive in movie that I went to that night (and hated the dumb movie and was freezing the whole time). As I went to bed last night, I remembered going to bed that night, having no idea my life would never be the same. Through a series of events (which is a whole different post), I was not sleeping last night and I watched the clock move past the time of the accident, past the time of her death and reach the time of the phone call that we got from her parents in the middle of the night from the hospital. My stomach hurt, my heart broke all over again and I just stared at her picture that I had just posted on facebook. It felt so fresh and real all over again. I didn't sleep much last night and when I woke was flooded again with memories of that day 23 years ago...a visit from a friend and her mom to be sure we knew, a stop at another friends house to tell her and her mom, a church service that I couldn't sit through and ended up leaving, a time all together with the choir grieving in the PHS choir room all afternoon...and the memories continue to flow of those first few days...I don't know why the aligning of the days has made it harder this year. I really don't. All I know is that I have cried and laughed, grieved and remembered...and it's okay. It's what I needed and it's okay. I went to the cemetery and after crying at any little thing all weekend long, I got there and there were no tears...and then I started laughing and telling her that I promise I did miss her even if the tears weren't there at the moment and I could picture her smiling with a twinkle in her eye and laughing at me...I mentioned on facebook that I worry people tire of me talking about her each year...but it really doesn't matter. My life was forever changed by Kiara Joy...her life, her friendship and her death. I choose to honor her, love her, celebrate her and remember her...every day, but especially this day.
I will always love you Kiki!
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