"Lost" or Changed Friendships

I need to blog and I have lots going on in my head and yet nothing is appealing to me to blog about.  I don't feel like uploading pictures, and I don't feel like explaining the journey I have been on the last 4 months, or the last 10 years for that matter.  But something on my brain today ... friendships.  I have a couple friendships that have been life-long friendships, (well, maybe a small pause in the friendships during 7th grade @thebackdoor !)  Those friends have been through my darkest hours (or weeks/months) and my highest of highs.  Those friends are the ones that I have come to rely on and know with all of my heart that they would drop everything for me, no questions asked and I would do the same for them.  I have newer friendships that I see growing into that as well and am thankful for those church gals that God has led me to as well.

Then there are those friendships that have grown near and then grown apart in time for whatever reason. Those friendships too have been so powerful and amazing to me.  I have been feeling melancholy lately over "lost" friendships.  Maybe not lost friendships, but changed friendships.  There are friends that have been such a huge part of my life and pivotal moments in my life that have drifted from me for a variety of reasons...life changes, job changes, new babies entering the picture, busy-ness of our kids, moving away, separating after college...For whatever reason those friendships that have drifted grieve me.  I have been grieving lately the drifting of a few very dear friends.  I saw it coming...knew it was inevitable...but it still hurts.  I'm one of those people that have a few very close friends and don't branch out and really share myself with a lot of people, so when those friendships change it is so hard.  I grieve. I hurt. I ask God why?  Someone recently told me that God brings friends into our lives for a season...a season that is perfectly molded for that friendship. I know it is true, yet so difficult when the seasons change.

I think it has been especially difficult with my job transition this year. Leaving a place that I called home for 12 years has made me realize how much I miss walking down the hallway and just sharing a look with someone and they know just how I need them to pray, or how I am feeling.  I miss being able to be close to someone and have those inside jokes and looks or sayings to get me through the day.  Recently on facebook someone posted that they loved how their co-workers recognized that she needed a hug or a laugh, or a piece of chocolate.  I commented that I really missed that and that I was praying in time I would have it again.  It will come. In time it will come...but for now it is a season of feeling a little bit alone.  Actually at the start of the year I felt COMPLETELY alone...but God is bringing friends into my life.  He is guiding me to other believers that will hep lift me up and not bring me down, encourage me instead of compete with me.  Just today I had an email from a co-worker that lifted me up and was just what I needed to hear.  God is leading and He is leading me to find friendships and people I can trust.  It is hard in the waiting though. I miss those friendships...I long for them...but I know He is taking care of me.

And thank you God that I have those super close friends that are loving me through this crazy life...old or new...I'm thankful for my friends who get me, know me and still love me!