Last Days

Ahhhh...the end of the school year!  The time of year that our family loves so much!  Summer break when the pace slows down and we enjoy hanging out and just having some fun together!  Kiara finished up pre-school last week and this was a picture of her on her last day of school.  She even kept the hair bow in the whole day (this is not normal!)

Today was a big day for Brock...His last day as a 6th grader, which means he is now officially a 7th grader and Junior High student.  Wow...the time has flown by.  I realized that he has two more years until high school and it took my breath away.

This year has had some challenges but we are proud of the young man he is becoming and the way that he has persevered and continued to be successful. 

Grant on his last day of 3rd grade. Again, how is that possible?  He has had a terrific year and has really enjoyed his teacher.  He is blossoming into a fine young gentleman.

He only has one more year of elementary school and is now one of the top dogs (or should I say cats since they are wildcats?) at the school.  Hard to believe that his elementary years will soon be over.

As we were taking the last day pictures of the boys, we realized that this was Kiara's last day too...not of school, that was last week.  But this is her last day of being 3!!!! Tomorrow is her birthday, so this special day of last days was special to her too!  So, she wanted her picture taken for her last day as a 3 year old.

If you look closely you can see that she has on "sparkly chapstick" as she calls it.  Tonight while running an errand she was being her normal drama/princess self so I asked her how old she was and she said 3...and then I said, going on 16 right?  Those around got a chuckle and then she said...No mommy, tomorrow I'll be 4, not 16 silly!

It was a great LAST day.  Now we are home and official on summer break...just in time to celebrate a cute little bug's 4th birthday tomorrow!

Double Digits!

Can't believe that we have TWO kids in the double digits now!  Grant turned 10 on April 28 and I've been lazy about getting on here. We had a busy day that day with two soccer matches and work at the farm, but we managed to find some time to celebrate too!  Our family tradition is to go out to eat as a family, plus my parents...this year with Grandpa having a knee replacement just two weeks before his birthday and such a busy day, we decided to order pizza and eat it at Grandpa and Grandma's house!  We don't go all out with our cakes as you can see...but this one did vary from the normal chocolate cake/chocolate icing...we switched the icing to peanut butter icing per Grant's request!  I had found a recipe awhile back to make it and we all LOVE it!  Here's my 10 year old!

The BIG inhale to blow out the candles...

And BLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After cake and ice cream, it was time for the favorite...opening presents!

Grant has fallen in love with soccer this season...he has always enjoyed playing but it has become a bit more of a passion for him.  He even watches Premier league on tv and DVR's some of the games to watch and has a favorite player, Messi.

Showing his stuff with the ball, until we made him stop for fear of breaking something! HA!

Earlier in the day we had opened presents from our Pennsylvania family...what a shock to open the package and find that it was a booster seat!!!!!!!!!!

Ok...that wasn't what he got!  Whew!  He was very excited with his new farm equipment! And of course...it's gotta be "New Holland" brand to show his love for Grandma and Paw-Paw's!

We are so proud of Grant...he is a great kid...he has a tender heart, a desire to do good, a love of school and academics, a great relationship with both Brock and Kiara, and he just keeps getting more and more handsome!  We love you so much Grant and are so proud of who you are and that you are growing in God's love.  Happy Double Digit Day Buddy (a little belated)!

If only I could be like my mom...

My Mom...what to say about her?  As this post began circling in my mind, I realized that I can't truly put into words what my mom means to me...she is not just my mom...she is so many things to me, most importantly my friend. She is the one person that has always been there for me my entire life.  She has held me and rocked me as I cried (as late as last month!!!), listened to me vent, laughed with me until there were tears, supported me in every decision I have ever made, loved me unconditionally...truly when I have been my ugliest, travelled to nearly every concert or performance I have ever given or directed, dropped everything to be there when I needed her (and still does), made me do things that were best for me, even if I didn't like it...my mom has blessed me more than I can say.  I could go on and on about all of the ways she has shown me love and all of the things that I love about her.  She is also one of the most humble people I know...never takes credit for anything or wants any attention drawn to herself for any reason. She simply cares, loves and does for other people with no expectations.  If only I could be like her. She has energy like no other...like the energizer bunny with her grandkids, her gardening and yard work.  She makes me tired! Ha!

Many have said that in the above picture especially that I look like my mom.  What a great compliment to hear...but what I really hope is that I look like my mom on the inside too...she is beautiful inside and out and I am truly blessed by her.  I am lucky that I get to see her nearly every day since she gets my boys on the bus and watches my youngest while I go to work and that we also go to the same church.  You would think that seeing each other so much we would run out of things to talk about, but just this weekend, we spent several hours together on Saturday and Sunday and talked and talked about important things and non-important things.  And when we run out of things to talk about...we can just be together and it's comfortable.  I love that.  She is my mom, my friend, my mentor, my confidante, and so much more.  And as wonderful as she is as a mom...she is equally awesome as a Grandma.  The kids never tire of having her around and in the summer get disappointed if we go to work in the barn and Grandma isn't there to at least say hello to!  Once the fair is over and real summer break starts for us, we still have to go see Grandma a couple times a week so that we don't go through withdrawal! HA!  Our family is just so blessed to call her Mom/Grandma.  Someone on facebook had this quote and I thought it really captures my feelings, although I wouldn't put it nearly as formal and flowery!

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” -Washington Irving

Happy Mother's Day Mom!  You are amazing and I love you so incredibly much!  I am blessed to be your daughter and to be so close to you.  I know I often take you for granted, but please know that I couldn't love you more! 

20 years...

Twenty years ago...the night in so many ways is ingrained in my mind, and in other ways is very sketchy. A fun date night at the drive-in, (although I still think Wayne’s World is the dumbest movie ever) and then home late to go to bed for church in the morning. Just a typical Saturday night 20 years ago…Shortly after falling asleep, the phone rang and the world began a spiral. The details are a bit blurry in my mind…my mom coming in to tell me news that would change my life…My best friend Kiara was killed in a car accident. I can remember crying, sobbing, shaking, physically hurting and even going numb for awhile. I won’t go into the details of the next few days, but there are a few things that my mind returns to, especially at this time of year…crying until there were no more tears, simply not being able to eat, sitting on my mom’s lap crying as she rocked me on the floor, meeting on Sunday afternoon with the show choir to grieve together, seeing Kiara’s parents, going to a few friends homes and church to tell them the news, going to the school library at school where counselors were and seeing soooo many lives that she had touched, a teacher who had no compassion and made us write poetry on death, sitting out of tennis matches because I was too weak to play and honestly didn’t care about anything, being at the viewing and seeing the line that waited for hours to pay their respects, sitting on stage at the funeral with the choir, the different speakers that spoke and the message of Kiara knowing Christ, somehow singing at the funeral, going with a group to sit at night at the cemetery “with” her and just talk, sitting and staring with tears streaming.  So many painful memories come pouring back this time of year....there are times of laughter and smiles and remembering good times as well, don't get me wrong...but the pain just seems more real on the anniversary.  They say that it dulls with time, and it has to a point, but the ache that I feel still is strong after all of these years as I think about the "what-might-have-beens". 

My life has not been the same since that early Sunday morning when the phone rang. I lost part of my heart…part of my future...part of my very being.  But I look back and I realize how blessed I am to have known Kiara Joy and to share the memories that I do with her.  Those same things that makes my heart ache and tears flow, also make me smile, giggle and so glad to have known her.  Throughout today as I have seen many people post things on facebook, it has warmed my heart...People remember her.  The thing that is most often mentioned is her smile and her hugs...I'm telling you that her hugs were phenomenal...I have never had a hug quite like hers again.  And her eyes would sparkle when she smiled.  That sounds so cliche, but it is true...she would light up with a smile.  Someone on facebook said "She reminds me of a beautiful sunny day. Sometimes, you don't realize how bright and beautiful that day really is until the storm clouds roll in and it's gone."  Wow!
So, in my hurting and tears, last night I decided to make a list of some of the things that I remember, that I loved, that I cherished about her. Some of the things are just between her and I to understand but honestly this blog is therapeutic in purpose for myself...so I will list them anyway.  I couldn't ever come up with a complete list of memories...but I love that they randomly pop in my head and make me smile (and sometimes cry as well).  So...here are some special memories or characteristics of my best friend, Kiara Joy...
her smile, hugs, laughter, twinkle in her eye, her voice sweetly singing, her love of Jesus, getting kicked out of Burger King because of our Taco Bell cups, "discovering" country music together, listening to Reba in my car, picking her up for school, driving her to work at Pondo, picnics in my basement, sleepovers, sunsets, passing notes in choir, her smile/hugs/laughter,  her sassy attitude, all of her rings, recording sessions, lots of note-writing, her crush on my brother, sleep-overs, our dreams for the future that lined up with each other, her "stealing" my clothes, her smile/hugs/laughter, Guess jeans, her famous eye roll, phone calls, getting in trouble in choir, her joy for life, nicknames, Danny Boy, her boldness, dancing, that blue eye-liner, her messy room, her knowing no strangers, her ability to be friends with everyone in ever social status range, and did I mention her smile, her hugs and her laughter.  Oh how I miss those.  There are so many more...but I will stop, at least on here. She was special.  I don't mean she was special because that's what you say about someone when they are gone...she TRULY was special and I love her and miss her dearly.

I have babbled long enough I suppose and I'm smiling again instead of crying...the last conversation that I had with her was on the phone.  We had plans to do something on Friday night...my grandpa was in the hospital and I told her I thought I should go see him instead.  After talking a few minutes and me apologizing for cancelling on her, she said to me, "It's okay Tricia...I'll always be here to do stuff with, but your Grandpa won't. Love you and talk to you Sunday."  Little did we know...

Kiara...I love you dear friend.  No one will ever replace you.  I rejoice that I get to see you again.  I KNOW that you are smiling and laughing at me all the time, especially when MY little Kiara gives me grief!  Thank you for being the kind of friend that truly is unforgettable. I miss you Kiara Joy!

September 5, 1973-May 3, 1992

1 Year Post-Fire

A year ago the day started out as a normal spring weekend day for us...we went to church, had lunch, lounged around a bit at home and then headed out to "the farm" (my parents) for a Sunday afternoon visit and some mushroom hunting.  Grandpa was working on the horse trailer at the garage so Phil and Grant stayed up there with him.  The rest of us, along with Grandma headed to the woods to do some mushroom hunting.  All was right with the world and we were laughing and enjoying ourselves.  Then I heard the first explosion...assuming it was nothing, we continued hunting.  At the sound of the 2nd explosion, my mom and I shared a look and said that we should go check things out.  As we looked up towards the house, we could see flames shooting from the roof and the explosions continued.  We ran through the woods out into the lane, where we were stuck just watching the house burn, with Phil and my Dad running in and out of the house and poor Grant watching from the pasture fence where they told him to go and stay.  I remember talking to 911 and then waiting what seemed like hours to hear the sirens coming down the road.  I remember the look on my mom's face and the the feeling of panic rising up. I remember calling my brother and sister-in-law to tell them to come...calling two friends to ask them to pray...all while waiting in the lane until the fire department okayed us to come closer.  I remember seeing Phil, my dad and Grant and knowing they were okay....the look on my Dad's face when we finally got to him.  Seeing Molly, their dog being coddled by a friend/EMT who had rescued her from the house and given her CPR...I remember firetrucks, firemen, neighbors, family and friends rushing down the road to us.  The memories come flooding back as I look at these pictures.  I remember the sick feeling in my stomach as we got our first look inside the house...the horrid smell as we packed up belongings for my parents to come stay at our house for the night...the feeling of helplessness at not being able to fix things....I remember not being able to sleep because my body was so tense that I couldn't relax enough to sleep...I remember like it was yesterday.  But, it was a year ago and life has gone on.  It has changed, but it has gone on...and we are all okay.  We are haunted by the memory, but we rejoice at the new structure and the safety of all of us that could have easily been hurt.  The following are some pictures of the day after the fire and present day...The comparison is simply breath-taking to me.  I tried to take very similar angles of the original after-fire shots to show the difference.  I started to write about each picture and explain it...but realized that the pictures tell the story really. 

 

Last year on this day...we had no idea what was coming late that afternoon...no idea. Life was turned upside down and has not been the same since...but we have moved forward, grown closer and loved each other through much.  For that, I am thankful.

eggs

Easter Sunday we got up and  went to an earlier church service.  Daddy was on sound for church and would be gone ALL morning for 3 services, so we decided we would come home from church and then color Easter eggs (nothing like waiting til the last day, huh?).  We were all a little grumpy from getting up early, but managed to have a good time anyway!  Here's Kiara...she had such a hard time not moving the cup around and sloshing the water everywhere!

Grant hard at work writing special messages on his egg before dying them.

Brock checking out if the egg is dark enough for his liking...

Kiara was in awe of how the eggs changed colors. She knew they were going to, but seeing it herself was shocking apparently!

Eggs are colored and we are happy!

All three kids after their egg hunt!

We had a fun time hunting eggs as well...it took awhile as the Easter bunny forgot some places where they were hid and we couldn't find them.

Kiara reacted the same way for each egg she found, mouth open and a gasp/squeal!Of course, then she had to dump it all out to find out what she had.

Ahhh, the joy of being a kid again!

Easter

I'm way behind on blogging again. I think I will get caught up, only to fall behind again.  I have several posts started and saved and several more that are in my head...but tonight I am determined to at least do one post before I turn in for the night. If I had posted this right after Easter I would say something like "He's alive...He's alive indeed!", so I was wondering what do I say when it is several weeks past?  Well...HE'S ALIVE...HE'S ALIVE INDEED!  Because praise God that He isn't just alive on Easter, He is alive and present each and every day!  What an awesome God 

I'm not sure why Grant looks squishy in this picture. And his hair has been cut since then so he isn't nearly as shaggy!

Kiara in her Easter dress. Her and Daddy picked this out together on a shopping spree and she was madly in love with it. She asked every day if she could wear it yet, to which we would say that she had to wait until Easter Sunday. Easter morning, she raced out of bed and said "I can wear my new dress today!!" Her hair was curled for church, but drooped very quickly.

The boys wanted to change as quickly as possible, but Kiara would've slept in her dress I think. Here she is playing bashful with Grant.

Brother/Sister Love

Mommy and her K-Bug

Kiara learned during spring break how to do the "rock and roll hand" and is always doing it when she hears music. This picture was supposed to be all of us doing that, but somehow, I was the only one!

Easter eggs and Egg hunt in a later post...but don't forget, as my kids would sing to you..."God's not dead, He's surely alive!" Amen!