Swirling Hot Mess

I'm a hot mess tonight...some might argue I'm a hot mess EVERY day...BUT, tonight and probably tomorrow, I'm truly a hot mess.  Tomorrow is a big day and a BIG day in multiple ways...So here are a few reasons for my hot mess-ness.

1.  My BABY girl, my last-born will be 10. Double digits you guys.  Seriously?  How did that even happen.  I blinked and she hit double digits.  Tonight we cuddled up and watched some tv together tonight and just chatted.  She is so grown up, yet she is still my baby girl and loves spending time with me (mostly).  I remember the boys hitting 10 and it made my breath catch, but the last child seems to be such a milestone and I can't believe how quickly it has gone.  She came out making lots of noise and that hasn't stopped.  She talks (non-stop), sings, plays, talks to herself, pretends to vlog and is the spunkiest girl I know.  I love her with my whole heart and I've seen her grow in leaps and bounds this year. I take comfort knowing that she accepts she will always be my baby and seems to enjoy that.

2. My oldest 'baby' goes to his very last day of high school.  The last time we will stand on the front porch and take last day or first day pics as a whole group.  A tradition we've had for 15 years (starting in preschool). The last time I send my boys off to school together in the morning. The last "Good Luck on finals today" (at least in person...I'm sure I'll call/text him that in college).  I'm so incredibly proud of this oldest child of mine.  I look at him and my heart swells.  I don't think he has any idea how proud I am or how much I love him.  And I'm so incredibly excited for his future and all it holds...I really am. I also know that this is God's design...to raise our children up in the Lord and guide them to follow Christ and follow the path God has for them. But listen to me when I say that it is H.A.R.D.  My heart is bursting in love and pride for him and at the same time breaking in two that we have come to this season of life.  As much as I want to hold tightly to him...I know that my grip loosens every day, as I TRY to hand him over to God. 

*Side note--I had to stop, dry my tears and breathe before finishing this blog...*

3. Each year I say goodbye to a group of students...all of my 4th graders.  I am so blessed that I have kids all the way through elementary school and I love building those relationships with kids and teaching them more and more. But man, I get attached to the kids and hate to see them go.  Again...I know it's time. They are ready. They will move on and forget about me...but I never forget them.  Since this is only the 2nd year in my current buildings, I've only been with this group for 2 years...but we also have a special bond that we share.  A bond of grief over losing their former teacher and my colleague/friend. These kids have made me laugh, made me cry and want to pull my hair out...but I love them.  They will always be my kids.  Always.

4. This isn't really a cause tonight, but while I'm being sappy and a mess...my middle child turned 16 and will get his driver's license this summer?  WHAT the WHAT??? 

5. I've been sorting pictures for graduation open house and seeing my kids grow up in pictures...it goes so fast.  Don't blink.  Moms of littles...DON'T BLINK.  Enjoy every moment.

So...I'll dry my tears. Put on my big girl panties. And I will embrace tomorrow with all of the emotions that come with it.  I will celebrate my daughter, my sons, my students. And I will know deep in my heart that my kids will always be my babies and my students will always be "my kids".